I'm in the middle of a life-altering dilemma. What Sox jersey should I buy? I've been rolling it around on my mind-grapes for a few weeks now. I currently own a Papi jersey, but a part of me feels like I'm due for a second one. After much deliberation it came down to two major candidates: Papelbon and Ellsbury. Papelbon, with his electrifying movement on both his fastball and his dancing shoes, has captured my respect and my sense of humor. His celebration antics will go down in Red Sox lore. He's had multiple years of shut-down success as a closer and is as close as you'll get to a sure-thing-jersey-purchase right now.... seems like an easy pick. But there's that little voice in my head whispering, "Don't forget about Ellsbury, Ellsbury, Ellsbury, Ellsbury.... ellllllssburrrrryyy." I've got a nagging suspicion that he's gonna be something special. Once in a lifetime, maybe. I came across this article today which just sorta seems to confirm my suspicions. The quoted Red Sox fan is a great fellow I used to do some business with at my last job. He volunteers in Autograph Alley at Fenway from time to time and as a result has become personal friends with David Ortiz. After his appearance in this article, he got in touch with Ellsbury's family and has since become close acquaintances with the Ellsbury clan. The article highlights Ellsbury's best qualities - determination, natural skill, eagerness to learn, style and modesty.
On a a very related note, the Sox pounded the Rockies like the bunch of twinks that they are last night. Doug and I noted while watching the game together, that the team is comprised of non-descript white guys and a few peripheral, equally non-descript ethnics (I take responsibility for any hints of racism in that statement). Fer Chrissakes, I can't even tell the difference between Holliday and Hawpe and I had Hawpe on my fantasy team all year. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2007 Colorado Rockies!!!
Okay so I left out Torrealba, Taveraz and a few others... and Matsui is pretty asian... but still... you see my point.
I was also reminded today what a bunch of religious losers they are too. They credited God for their amazing streak over the past few weeks. Does that make the Sox the Anti-Christ (Anti-Christians? What's the plural of Anti-Christ?) for breaking your streak??? Are you really that self-absorbed?? Do you think God cares about you playing A GAME when there's starving children, war and genocide in the world??? I'm not a theologist, but I'm pretty certain God is not a baseball fanatic. He most likely does not have a Matt Holliday poster on the wall of his bedroom. I'm not one of those people who gets in a tiff when an athlete thanks God for their abilities or points to the heavens after a jumpshot or a homerun, but they do everything short of calling themselves tools of God. Oh, you're tools alright. Take your NLCS trophy, pawn it, and use the money to buy some distinctive features guys... maybe if you're lucky, you'll be able to afford a little character too (BTW - no hate to Tulowitzki - he's a pimp... still white and non-descript, but a pimp).
The best quote of the day came from their pitching coach in an ESPN article by Jayson Stark (a Yankees fan who picked the Rocks in 6... really dude?? Really???): "“[They’re] big hairy-chested guys, one after another, who work the count and pounce on your mistakes.” I guess it's kinda hard to win a ballgame when you're busy admiring the other team's chest hair...
2 comments:
When you put their pictures side-by-side their unassumingness is even more pronounced. I like that you slide Kaz in there. I hardly noticed. This team has no character. I want to like Matt Holiday based on his stats, but he shows me nothing in terms of grit or dirt dogness(for lack of better word).
On the christian thing, Timlin, Wake and Trot amongst others have often talked about their strong faith, but to call a clubhouse a christian clubhouse is just asking for trouble. This can alienate other non-christian members of the team, and more importantly non-christian fans. Booo hisss Rockies.
Here's my conspiracy theory: You know that whole humidor thing? Juicin' the balls, etc? I think Bud Selig randomly drops in on the Rox over the course of the year to make sure there's no funny business going on. And has last visit was around September 15th. At that point, the Rockies said "fuck it" and just completely manipulated the atmosphere of their stadium, because they realized that if they won every single game for the rest of the year, they would just barely make the playoffs. This doesn't explain road wins, but it's the NL, so, it's really not that hard to win. Finally, during the 8 days before the world series Commish Selig stopped by, and was like wtf. So by the time the Red Sox rolled in, things were back to normal and the Colorado Rockies sucked again.
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