The X-Sox

Alright kids, here it is. My first post. Lots of pressure. Hopefully it will not disappoint. In the spirit of The Honest Male Perspective, I have combined two of our favorite things that don't involve alcohol or women. Or music. Yes, I have fused sports with comics. Even better, I have taken the Red Sox and X-Men and made them one. So, fasten your seat belts, and get ready to meet the X-Sox. Or Red Men? Either way, they've got the ability to take on the Yankees or Brotherhood of Evil Mutants - or both. Play ball.

PART ONE - THE STARTING NINE

1. Dustin Pedroia as Longshot. You don't know why he's good, he just is. On the left we have a scrappy little guy who doesn't hit home runs, take many walks, or steal bases. But he's just...awesome. On the right we have a superhero who's power is...really good luck? And a twinkle in his eye. Ladies and gentlemen, your starting second baseman.


2. Kevin Youkilis as Beast. The surprisingly agile first baseman and the surprisingly agile big blue-furred scientist. One used to be a backup 3rd baseman, the other used to be....a human. If only Hank McCoy was Jewish...


3. David Ortiz as Bishop. Aside from the obvious similarity of complexion, these are two of the most bad-ass members of their respective teams. Papi takes the momentum of a fastball and reverses its course straight out of the park, while Bishop absorbs energy and then projects it out of his body in the form of concussive blasts. Word.

4. Manny Ramirez as Colossus. Misunderstood and feared by the world at large, the X-men must use their powers to save the human race time and time again. Misunderstood by the media and feared by pitchers across the American League, Manny Ramirez must continue to hit home runs and navigate the monster as only he can. Colossus grew up speaking Russian, Manny grew up speaking spanish, but they both have the raw power to slug with the best of 'em.

5. Mike Lowell as Forge. I admit, this one is mostly because of the goatee. To rationalize it further, I'd say both are "defensive wizards" and ended up playing a much larger role on their team than originally anticipated. But yeah, the facial hair was the main reason.



6. J.D. Drew as Angel. Good looking, theoretically an "important" character, but for some reason lacking in power and seems to get hurt a lot. But if that last month is any indication, maybe they both step up to the plate when it really matters? I'll keep my fingers crossed...

7. Jason Varitek as Cable. All business. This is the guy you want leading your team into battle. He's got the hardest job of all but you'll never see him complaining or faking injuries. He's not afraid to get in the face of the opposition, and even as his skills diminish he's still one of the most important members of the team. Plus he can time travel.

8. Coco Crisp as Nightcrawler. Teleportation really is the most logical explanation for some of Coco's catches this year. There's just no way he could be that agile without some sort of mutant power. The on base percentage definitely isn't what we were hoping, but when you spend so much time traveling through space, it's hard to be "on base" very often.

9. Julio Lugo as Iceman.

Well, his bat's certainly been ice cold all year.
(Ouch)



Coming tomorrow - PART TWO - THE PITCHERS.