The Red-Men

PART TWO - THE PITCHERS

(for an explanation of what the shit is going on, check out yesterday's "X-Sox" post)

1. Josh Beckett as Wolverine. The best there is at what he does. A fierce competitor with incredible power and a knack for the berserker rage. Not exactly a born leader, he is thrust into the role by being so damn awesome and earning everyone's respect.


2. Dice K as Gambit. The man of mystery. Much has been made of his past, though the details are often cloudy, at best. He puts a magic charge into the objects he throws - be it kinetic energy or gyroball. And he's got a call accent.



3. Curt Schilling as Cyclops. Not afraid to speak his mind, even when no one wants to hear it. He may not be the most popular among his teammates, but he's earned his place in history on performance, grit and sacrifice. The main difference here is that Schil has two eyes.

4. Tim Wakefield as Banshee. Doesn't say much, but he's been around forever and just keeps putting up solid numbers. Would would've thought Wakey'd have 17 wins this year? Never underestimate the power of a goateed Irish superhero with a great knuckleball.




5. Jon Lester as Morph. One can transform his body into any shape imaginable, the other transformed his body from cancer-ridden to cancer-lacking. Howabout them apples?



6. Julian Tavarez as Wildchild. I just couldn't resist using this picture. You can't contain this guy, you can only hope that when he explodes into a fit of rage he directs it at the other guys, and not his own team. Also, you might need to pay the clubhouse guys a little extra to deal with the drool.

7. Mike Timlin as Havok. Behold the intensity in his eyes. This guy's got nothing to lose, so he puts it all on the line every night. Timlin's always been the guy to grab the ball even when his arm was falling off, and Havok is the guy whose power basically makes his body explode every time he uses it. Keep a safe distance.

8. Javier Lopez as Multiple Man. How can you tell which Javier Lopez is on our team? The retired catcher whose power had nothing to do with performance enhancing drugs, or the relief pitcher that appeared out of thin air (get it, Colorado? thin air)? And how can you tell which is the real Multiple Man and which are the clones? You can't.

9. Manny Delcarmen as Sunspot. Local Latino flame-throwing hero. He's become as important a part of this bullpen as anyone, much like Sunspot solidified his role in X-Force when he stopped being so afraid of using his powers. The power of the change-up, that is.




10. Hideki Okajima as Shatterstar. Where the heck did this guy come from? Who cares, he's awesome. Also, it was rumored that Shatterstar was the long lost son of Longshot. If you go back and read the position players blog, you'll notice that I had Dustin Pedroia as Longshot. The thought of Okey-Dokey being Dustin's long lost son is too good to pass up on.

11. Eric Gagne as Age of Apocalypse Sabretooth. What, this guy's on our side now? That's gonna take some getting used to. Especially when he's suddenly not nearly as overpowering and badass as he was before. Still, I'd rather have this guy on our team than the other team.


12. Jonathan Papelbon as Cannonball. The young Southern hot-shot quickly rises up the ranks of the minors (New Mutants, X-Force, Pawtucket...) and tears onto the big stage in a huge way. Once he's here, there's no going back, and there's no moving into the rotation. He's our closer, and he's got the force behind him to blast the enemy into submission.



13. Terry Francona as Professor X. I mean, duh.