Yes he reads directly from a card, but goddammit is he funny. Watch and enjoy.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
"Yo, don't dudley my scoot!"
Scott i'm upset that your streak of "post titles featuring ejaculatory slang" ended at a paltry two. In other news, "The Honest Male Perspective" celebrated its 100th posting! With a whimper, mind you.
Between you and me dear reader, Scott, Doug and I have been secretly hoarding the funny. Thats right, for about 1 month the three of us have been using Google Reader to share the most john-blazin internet articles/clips with each other....
i know its not fair to deprave you funny clips. but lets face it. you are the middle man in this info-sharing orgy.
The REAL reason i'm posting isn't because baseball season is coming or because the Celtics are doing exactly what I predicted they'd do in this very space on October 30th. Its because I got bored on the internets again started inputting
my name in various search engines....this week: URBAN DICTIONARY!
I foudn this idea is even MORE novel and cheeky than my last novel and cheeky idea of "Youtubing" myself! I found it eminently fascinating to know if my own name was being used as part of some secret (most likely urban?) amongst the social networks....am I a verb? am I noun? I was very happy with my findings...
the first definition was kinda stupid and confusing....
POPKIN:
2.) A word Loran often calls Austin, means he is cute and sexy.
ex.} "i miss you, popkin"
See what I mean? i decree that anything/anyone that references Stephen King's "Dark Tower" series be beaten with the "nerd" shovel and have their pocket protectors and scotch-taped specticles publicly ridiculed.
definition 2 yielded much more....
POPKIN:
ex.} " Man its so hot, I could use a popkin."
Kids, this is why we write blogs. Discoveries like that and their effect upon sharing them with the world. I mean honestly, now i can finally express myself. We've all yearned for frozen treats and we've yearned for oral treats. Now know what you get when we splice them together. You get Popkin.
Popkins are satisfying. Popkins are messy. A good Popkin is hard to find? I could do this all day....but I wont. We have one more urban interpretation of the name POPKIN!
POPKIN:
Think about THAT next time you're at Quiznos in Mobile, Alabama. This is good stuff folks.
What happens when you go down south and ask for a sub?? you will get laughed out of the diner and will go home hungry.
Before I bounce, I searched the names of the other THMP writers: here are my favorites
ex{ "That girl is a serious barker"
WARNER
MOSES (definition 1)
Between you and me dear reader, Scott, Doug and I have been secretly hoarding the funny. Thats right, for about 1 month the three of us have been using Google Reader to share the most john-blazin internet articles/clips with each other....
i know its not fair to deprave you funny clips. but lets face it. you are the middle man in this info-sharing orgy.
The REAL reason i'm posting isn't because baseball season is coming or because the Celtics are doing exactly what I predicted they'd do in this very space on October 30th. Its because I got bored on the internets again started inputting
my name in various search engines....this week: URBAN DICTIONARY!I foudn this idea is even MORE novel and cheeky than my last novel and cheeky idea of "Youtubing" myself! I found it eminently fascinating to know if my own name was being used as part of some secret (most likely urban?) amongst the social networks....am I a verb? am I noun? I was very happy with my findings...
the first definition was kinda stupid and confusing....
POPKIN:
| | n. 1.) A sandwhich in the 'High Speech', from Stephen King's Dark Tower series. | |
ex.} "i miss you, popkin"
See what I mean? i decree that anything/anyone that references Stephen King's "Dark Tower" series be beaten with the "nerd" shovel and have their pocket protectors and scotch-taped specticles publicly ridiculed.
definition 2 yielded much more....
POPKIN:
| 1) | when a man gets head while eating a frozen treat (ex. ice cream) | |
ex.} " Man its so hot, I could use a popkin."
Kids, this is why we write blogs. Discoveries like that and their effect upon sharing them with the world. I mean honestly, now i can finally express myself. We've all yearned for frozen treats and we've yearned for oral treats. Now know what you get when we splice them together. You get Popkin.
Popkins are satisfying. Popkins are messy. A good Popkin is hard to find? I could do this all day....but I wont. We have one more urban interpretation of the name POPKIN!
POPKIN:
| | Old southern term for sandwich. ex.} "Bob please make me a peanut butter and jelly popkin" | |
Think about THAT next time you're at Quiznos in Mobile, Alabama. This is good stuff folks.
What happens when you go down south and ask for a sub?? you will get laughed out of the diner and will go home hungry.
Before I bounce, I searched the names of the other THMP writers: here are my favorites
| | DUDLEY | |
| | 1) To make a really big mess of something. 2) A really big mess. ex.{ "Yo, don't dudley my scoot!" "What a piece of dudley..." | |
| | BARKER | |
| | (1.) noun: A very unattractive woman. From dog, an animal which barks. | |
ex{ "That girl is a serious barker"
WARNER
| | Person who pretends to be a 'Goth' or 'Sweaty' 24/7m but removes all the metalgear and  make-up when in the presence of Mom & Pop prior to going out for an evening meal.Named after Brian Warner a.k.a. Marilyn Manson, who looks TOTALLY DIFFERENT without make-up and contact lenses! ex.{ "Did you see Jim the other day in the library? I couldn't believe it - the guy's a REAL Warner!" | |
An extremely cool, but difficult way to take a shit.
A moses is when you are freeing the "Egyptians" ... but just before they leave their "prison" you need to flush the toilet. This symbolises the parting of the seas. It is only a true MOSES if they hit a dry toilet bowl, and are then taken away to safety by the returning seas.
Your friends may claim to have pulled a perfect moses, but if there is any scepticism you can always tell by the larger than normal skid mark left on the bottom of the bowl.
This is an extremely difficult move to pull... your timing is critical!
A moses is when you are freeing the "Egyptians" ... but just before they leave their "prison" you need to flush the toilet. This symbolises the parting of the seas. It is only a true MOSES if they hit a dry toilet bowl, and are then taken away to safety by the returning seas.
Your friends may claim to have pulled a perfect moses, but if there is any scepticism you can always tell by the larger than normal skid mark left on the bottom of the bowl.
This is an extremely difficult move to pull... your timing is critical!
ex.{ "WOW!! Look at that skid-mark, that was definately a legend that dropped that MOSES!! " "WOOOOO!HOOOOO! I just landed my first true-MOSES! A picture of that shits definately going on the net!!"
MOSES (definition 2)
a guy who will or had sex with a girl when she has her period,
part the red sea right?
MOSES (definition 2)
a guy who will or had sex with a girl when she has her period,
part the red sea right?
ex. {"Betty: I got some last night. Jane: I thought you had your period? Betty: Yes, but John is freaking moses."
Monday, March 17, 2008
Friday, March 7, 2008
Skeet skeet skeet skeeeet
Maxiell got FACIALIZED by lil'jon Rondo. I literally vaulted from my seating apparatus like a cat being fired from a cannon (man that would be fun) when I saw this. I may have said it once... or even twice here before, but Rajon is turning into a full fledged pimp before my very eyes this season and it pleases me greatly. I can only imagine what a force he will be after learning some hardcore veteran chicanery from Sam Casseltic.
On this play, Rondo burns past Hamilton like it ain't no thang and then surprised us all by throwing down a hard righty jam directly on top of (respect where respect is due) a really sick low-post defender, Jason Maxiell.
I'm usually surprised when Rondo dunks on a fast break, let alone a half court set when he's facing a great perimeter defender and help D from an athletic freak like Maxiell. I'm pretty convinced that he's channeling the soul of KG here... cuz DAMN that play took some balls. Too bad he missed the free throw.
(Speaking of KG... I LOVE how he just sits there and yells in Rondo's face after this play like a pet owner screaming at his chihuahua that just shit on the new carpet. He's just so fired up that he literally can't contain himself. You can't teach that kinda passion - sorry Doc)
On this play, Rondo burns past Hamilton like it ain't no thang and then surprised us all by throwing down a hard righty jam directly on top of (respect where respect is due) a really sick low-post defender, Jason Maxiell.
I'm usually surprised when Rondo dunks on a fast break, let alone a half court set when he's facing a great perimeter defender and help D from an athletic freak like Maxiell. I'm pretty convinced that he's channeling the soul of KG here... cuz DAMN that play took some balls. Too bad he missed the free throw.
(Speaking of KG... I LOVE how he just sits there and yells in Rondo's face after this play like a pet owner screaming at his chihuahua that just shit on the new carpet. He's just so fired up that he literally can't contain himself. You can't teach that kinda passion - sorry Doc)
Friday, February 29, 2008
Somewhere Tommy Heinsohn just jizzed on himself
So I'm watching the Louisville/Notre Dame game unfold last night and as Louisville came screaming out of the gates and took a 15 point lead, the camera pans the sidelines. Who do my little eyes spy? None other than Walter McCarty!!
For those of you who don't know, Walter is a Celtics legend from the days when our team SUCKED (circa anytime before this year). He was a joy to watch in an otherwise bleak landscape of untalented Celtics players. Tommy Heinsohn, the Celtics television broadcast color guy and former hustler extraordinaire, LOVED Walter. He would actually shout "I love WALTAAAHHH" everytime the guy did anything good whatsoever. I mean I honestly think there's a good chance that it might have been a sexual thing. Tommy gives out "Tommy points" throughout the course of the game for good hustle plays. Walter is unquestionably the all-time career leader in Tommy points. No one will ever take him down. Not even Big Baby (as consolation, he will certain go down in history for record breaking coy smiles) or Leon Powe.
So I checked around a little bit and sure enough, Walter is the assistant coach at Louisville. Walter played under Pitino - the current head coach at Louisville - at Kentucky and on the Celts. It makes so much sense. I learned something last night... It's now what you know in life, it is who you know. Also, I learned that I now love Louisville. Concurrently, I have an unnatural amount of hate for Luke Harangody from Notre Dame. Seriously, that guy is a total DOUCHE. Grow some eyebrows, ass!
For those of you who don't know, Walter is a Celtics legend from the days when our team SUCKED (circa anytime before this year). He was a joy to watch in an otherwise bleak landscape of untalented Celtics players. Tommy Heinsohn, the Celtics television broadcast color guy and former hustler extraordinaire, LOVED Walter. He would actually shout "I love WALTAAAHHH" everytime the guy did anything good whatsoever. I mean I honestly think there's a good chance that it might have been a sexual thing. Tommy gives out "Tommy points" throughout the course of the game for good hustle plays. Walter is unquestionably the all-time career leader in Tommy points. No one will ever take him down. Not even Big Baby (as consolation, he will certain go down in history for record breaking coy smiles) or Leon Powe.So I checked around a little bit and sure enough, Walter is the assistant coach at Louisville. Walter played under Pitino - the current head coach at Louisville - at Kentucky and on the Celts. It makes so much sense. I learned something last night... It's now what you know in life, it is who you know. Also, I learned that I now love Louisville. Concurrently, I have an unnatural amount of hate for Luke Harangody from Notre Dame. Seriously, that guy is a total DOUCHE. Grow some eyebrows, ass!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Popkin "Youtubes" Popkin
We've all "Googled" ourselves....but let me ask you this, friend. When was the last time you "Youtubed" yourself??
I youtubed myself today and thoroughly enjoyed what i found!
1. Dave Popkin Highlight Video--Popkin fact #1: did you know all Popkins love sports? Dave you sorry seton hall bastard i bet you'd really love to be working at ESPN right about now!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.IN YO FACE!!! See how i'm livin' Dave Popkin? See how i'm livin? In all seriousness this Popkin is pretty good, he is pleasing on the eyes, speaks with good diction, and Dave if you're out there, i'd be happy to pass help you get into ESPN. Interestingly enough we are more alike than you'll ever now....Bill Popkin slept with your mother.....just kidding...i also dabbled in sports anchoring at RIT...they have plaques up and shit all over every building.
2.Can't Touch This: POPKIN TIME--"4 Stray Ships in the night, combine to create a musical experience unlike any other known to man." Brother Popkin, I know hyperbole when I see one......Although I must say, I am impressed with Matt Popkin's respect for classic rap hits, his showmanship and willingness to make a fool of himself in front of a crowded room to get a laugh. Although Matt Popkin, not once did you even ATTEMPT the Hammer dance. Not two weeks ago, me and douggie actually performed that shit FOR FUN. AND IT WAS EXCELLENT.
3.For A While - Eliot Popkin--Popkin fact #2: we are a sensitive breed. This Popkin manages to marry superb vocal range with state-of-the-art video production! This song isnt bad, but this video blows the needle of the unintentional comedy scale. I urge Eliot Popkin to continue nurturing his career as singer-songwriter and for god's sake make a move on that hottie!
I youtubed myself today and thoroughly enjoyed what i found!
1. Dave Popkin Highlight Video--Popkin fact #1: did you know all Popkins love sports? Dave you sorry seton hall bastard i bet you'd really love to be working at ESPN right about now!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.IN YO FACE!!! See how i'm livin' Dave Popkin? See how i'm livin? In all seriousness this Popkin is pretty good, he is pleasing on the eyes, speaks with good diction, and Dave if you're out there, i'd be happy to pass help you get into ESPN. Interestingly enough we are more alike than you'll ever now....Bill Popkin slept with your mother.....just kidding...i also dabbled in sports anchoring at RIT...they have plaques up and shit all over every building.
2.Can't Touch This: POPKIN TIME--"4 Stray Ships in the night, combine to create a musical experience unlike any other known to man." Brother Popkin, I know hyperbole when I see one......Although I must say, I am impressed with Matt Popkin's respect for classic rap hits, his showmanship and willingness to make a fool of himself in front of a crowded room to get a laugh. Although Matt Popkin, not once did you even ATTEMPT the Hammer dance. Not two weeks ago, me and douggie actually performed that shit FOR FUN. AND IT WAS EXCELLENT.
3.For A While - Eliot Popkin--Popkin fact #2: we are a sensitive breed. This Popkin manages to marry superb vocal range with state-of-the-art video production! This song isnt bad, but this video blows the needle of the unintentional comedy scale. I urge Eliot Popkin to continue nurturing his career as singer-songwriter and for god's sake make a move on that hottie!
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
If you love songs about Irishmen and their goats...
... then Michael Daly Tenor is right up your alley. I was watching some TV with Doug and Pop, whilst ponging the other day and on comes Sir Michael. My first assumption was that an old episode of Saturday Night Live suddenly came on and at any moment Phil Hartman (RIP) was going to pop out and say "Live From New York, it's Saturday Night!" Then he started singing a song called "Paddy McGinty's Goat," and I knew it was for real. Even SNL couldn't make that shit up. Alas the site doesn't have his TV commercial on it, but rest assured, if I find it, I will post immediately.
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