The Honest Male Perspective

Daily Mission Project

2010-10-25T14:56:00.000-07:00

www.dailymissionproject.com

ESPN's 30 for 30 Reviews: King's Ransom

2009-10-06T21:24:00.000-07:00

ESPN's 30 for 30 kicked off tonight with "King's Ransom" aka The Legend of the Wayne Gretzky Trade...Lets start this review....

COMCAST Cable Guide Says:

"Kings Ransom - chronicling the 1988 trade of hockey star Wayne Gretzky from the Edmonton Oilers to the Los Angeles Kings."

I am not a hockey guy....and I never have been...i've never strapped on a pair of skates I went to my first ever LIVE NHL game this past March and I can barely name 6 CURRENT Boston Bruins (oboy...um, Bergeron, Sturm, Tim Thomas, Lucic....fuck...Phil Kessel was traded.....ok...you see my point here.) I blame this mostly on the Popkin's not being a winter-sport family.....

Anyhow, I have absolutely nothing against the sport, and in fact one of the biggest surprises to me since starting at ESPN is finding out just how many truly devoted NHL fans there still are. Gut punches like the 2004-05 NHL strike, the lack of a major TV deal and unofficial removal of membership from "The Big Four Proffesional Sports" has only made hockey fans MORE ravenous.

So with a framework of hockey ignorance and respect, what did The Great One even mean to me going in?

Well first off, in 1988, the year Gretzky was traded, I was 5 years old. So I have literally NO memories of Gretzky as a Edmonton. On the flip side, as a child of the 90's....I was in the DIRECT wheelhouse of the Gretzky/LA King/#99/Great One Marketting blitz.

Just how marketting blitzy? Um...Anyone remember the old Saturday Morning cartoon "Pro Stars?" Gretzky effing fought crime alongside Michael Jordan and BO JACKSON!!

Thats right MJ and Bo Jackson. And truthfully, thats all an 8 Year Old like me knew. If this guy was appearing in every issue of my Sports Illustrated for Kids AND was badass enough to hang in cartoons with MJ and Bo.....well thats pretty much as big as you get!

As a Hockey-ignorant youth, I was plenty happy to float through the rest of the 90's worshipping the Braves, watching Ren and Stimpy and listening to Blues Traveler while respecting Number 99's greatness with same casual respect I'd pay to his iconic-athlete peers Joe Montana, Andre Agassi or Kristy Yamaguchi.... and I'd do it with with no care or knowledge about the man's early days with Edmonton.

The Review:

***SPOILER ALERT*** I'm not sure this really qualifies as a spolier because what I'm about to tell you happened almost 20 years ago, and is very public knowledge.....but here it is...

Did you know that the Edmonton Oilers won the Stanley Cup in 1990? I only bring this up, because this little historical factoid pretty much negates ANY and ALL possible intrigue that this docu-story could possibly ever drum up. Seriously.....how could any rational human possibly blame the Oilers owner for trading the Great One to L.A, when the Oilers would end up winning the whole damn thing 2 years later WITHOUT him....meanwhile, in LA, Gretzky is carrying a busted King's team through the playoffs, only getting to the Stanley Cup Finals ONCE. Thanks for the memories!

Now that i've dropped that little knowledge-nugget on you, I suppose we should praise director Peter Berg for stating this key information in the final 30 seconds of the film via those traditional "this is what happanned years later" title sequences.....at least he smart enough to know this information would really serve to distract us from his story.

So what WAS Berg going for?

90% of the the film is very straightforward and is mainly told objectively by three men: Wayne Gretzky himself, Former Edmonton Oilers Owner Peter Pocklington, and Former Kings Owner Bruce McNall. This is how the major players were portrayed......

Wayne Gretzky: hockey jesus. Soft spoken canadian gentleman by day, leader of uber-stacked 80's dynasty Oilers by night. Fresh off Edmonton's 4th Cup, in the midst of his prime and looking to become the highest paid player....if only the Oilers could re-negotiate his contract.

Peter Pocklington: affable owner, businessman who despite all attempts from by the fans of Edmonton, really didnt fit the same villanous characterazation of Harry Frazee (the infamous Red Sox GM who sold Babe Ruth to the yankees.) Pocklington has Gretzky under contract for two more years, and would like nothing more than to re-neg a longterm contract.

Bruce McNall: LA businessman, also affable, who really pretty much falls into a "right place at the right time" as he takes over the franchise from Lakers owner Jerry Buss who had originally expressed intressed in acquiring Gretzky.

The City of Edmonton: underrepresented in the film, small market, put on the map by Gretzky and 4 stanley cups. Edmonton apparently follows hockey as intently 12 months a year the way America intently watches the Olympics for 2 weeks every four years. (gretzky's analogy, not mine)

Janet Jones Gretzky: beautiful fledgling LA actress, star of Police Academy 5 and apple of Wayne's eye. partially blamed by Edmonton as being a "jezebel" who convinced Gretzky to leave. I literally only mention her because i think we should bring back the term "jezebel" to describe attractive women who may appear to have alterior motives. (quick tangent....theres also a hilarious moment in the documentary, there is home-video footage of the newlywed Mr. and Mrs. Gretzky take a post-nuptuals limo ride through a crowded downtown Edmonton....and you can clearly hear this little kid in the crowd yell "Hey Janet! I saw Police Academy 5, it was awesome!!" Watch this documentary for that, if nothing else....)

What was so frustrating about watching this story unfold was how little meat there was on this bone. Personally, I've become numb to the notion of Team/Ownership loyalty. We've been in the era of free agency for almost 40 YEARS!!! Loyalty in pro sports is as only good as your Jerry McGuire super agent.

and the fact is.....the story was about as typical a story one can have about a player deciding to leave a town.

The story of the trade was just too neat and tidy, and as we find out throughout the doc, Wayne had as many reasons to leave for LA as Pockington had to trade him.....coupled with an opportunistic Kings owner who was willing to spend the prospects and $ to turn The LA Kings into the hottest ticket in town.

(Side note....maybe the funnest part of the documentary was seeing all the early 90's Movie Stars rink-sidem in the locker room and mugging for the camera in true "just there to be seen fashion"....I saw Kevin Costner, John Candy, Tony Dana, Michael J. Fox and if you had REALLY eagle-eyes like me, a young Kate Hudson whooping it up next to her mom Goldie Hawn)

The film shines brightest when we get to re-live Gretzky's tear-filled press conference where he says good-bye to Edmonton (Just after he was given one last chance to nix the deal we're told)

The only other real morsel of tension and angst comes when Gretzky is asked by the director how many championships he won with Kings (answer: zero) and how many mre he thinks he could have won if he stayed in Edmonton (answer: four)

What would I have liked to see?? For starters, how about an angle? was this a series of fortunate or unfortunate events?? I think the "facts, just the facts" approach was a good one in thoery,
especially for a story that had little intrigue. But the objective presentation of the facts don't ever allow you feel personally connected to this landmark moment in Hockey history.

If there were three aspects that i felt were underplayed in the film it was A) the fans and the city of Edmonton B) the cultural impact of Wayne Gretzky coming to america. C) How was it that the Kings were the only team involved in the bidding war

The Bottom Line:

Technically speaking, King's Ransom is a well made documentary, and is everything it promises to be in Comcast's one sentance cable guide description...but its not much more. Cue the music and end the review because there's is very very VERY little else to add about this film's overall story. While Berg manages very capably summarize the Gretzky trade....there aren't nearly enough personal accounts from the fans of Edmonton, nor is there enough attention paid to answering the question: what was the lasting impact of the Gretzky trade? And what would LA and Edmonton be like if the deal never happened??

6.5 Bo Jackson's out of 10

Music=Baseball?

2009-10-06T15:18:00.001-07:00

Hey guys,

Matt here. It’s certainly been a while, hasn’t it? I have to admit, last month I committed THMP infidelity with my LOST guest blog over at Pop Candy, and just last week I wrote my first post for the all new Boston @ New York blog created by Plushgun’s Dan Ingala. But Alex’s triumphant return to THMP has inspired me to finish a little project I’ve been working on for a while, so here we go!

Sabermetric nerds like me (baseball stat-lovers) will be familiar with the concept of a player’s “peak years.” Although there is some debate as to what the exact peak age is, baseball players tend to have their most productive season between the ages of 26 and 31. Before that they’re still coming into their own, and once the hit their 30’s their skill set begins to decline. Age 27 is often considered a make-or-break time for ballplayers – if they don’t have their “breakout” season by then, it’s probably never gonna happen.

That got me thinking, is the same true for musicians? Do we have “peak” and “breakout” years, and are they the same as in baseball? The answer, for the most part, was a resounding “yes.”

Now, the first thing I had to decide was how to determine a band’s age. And I’ll admit, I took the easy way and just assigned the lead singer’s age to the whole band. I know, I know, it’s not perfect but there was still a lot of work ahead.

I found that, just as in baseball, before modern advances in nutrition and conditioning (steroids and botox?), musicians used to peak earlier than they do now. Consider The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, and The Who. If you consider their 5 “peak years” to start at age 24 or 25, you get the following albums: Help!, Rubber Soul, Revolver, Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, The White Album, Abbey Road, Let It Be, Their Satanic Majesties Request, Beggars Banquet, Let It Bleed, Sticky Fingers, Exile On Main Street, Tommy, Who’s Next, and Quadrophenia, among others. Not a bad list! With Led Zeppelin you have to start even younger, when Robert Plant was just 21, but you still get a five year peak that includes Led Zeppelin 1-4 and House of the Holy.

Skipping along to the beginning of the “modern era,” we can use the standard ages 26-31 as our “peak seasons” and the baseball/music parallels become uncanny. U2 and REM came out with The Joshua Tree, Achtung Baby, Green, Out Of Time and Automatic For The People during those years (1986-1991).

The grunge/alternative scene fits in pretty well, with Pearl Jam (Ten, Vs., Vitalogy), Soundgarden (Badmotorfinger, Superunknown), Smashing Pumpkins (Siamese Dream, Melon Collie and the Infinite Sadness), Radiohead (The Bends, OK Computer), Nine Inch Nails (The Downward Spiral), and the Red Hot Chili Peppers (Blood Sugar Sex Magic) all putting out their best work during their age 26-31 years. Other 90’s acts like Dave Matthews Band (Under The Table and Dreaming, Crash, Before These Crowded Streets) and Beck (Odelay, Mutations, Midnight Vultures) fell into the same pattern. Hip hop artists like Dr. Dre (The Chronic), Jay-Z (Reasonable Doubt, In My Lifetime volumes 1-3) and Outkast (Speakerboxxx/The Love Below) also peaked from ages 26-31.

In all my research I found two notable exceptions: bands that had double peaks. First we have Aerosmith, who from the ages of 25-30 put out the albums Aerosmith, Get Your Wings, Toys In The Attic, Rocks, and Draw The Line, then disappeared for close to ten years and came back with a vengeance, at age 39, with Permanent Vacation, Pump and Get A Grip. It’s hard to say which phase was more successful. And we have the strange case of Green Day, who burst onto the scene at age 22 with Dookie, Insomniac and Nimrod, then spent their “peak” ages of 26-31 putting out the lone dud Warning, before returning at age 32 with their most successful album to date, American Idiot.

It’s also of course worth mentioning that the age of 27 has a special meaning in rock music, because it’s the age where everyone dies. Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain, and countless others, have had their careers (and lives) cut short at just 27 years old. It’s impossible to say what the next four years would’ve held for these artists, but if their peers are any indication, they could’ve been just at the beginning of their greatest creative period.

So where does that leave us? Chris Martin from Coldplay turned 31 last year, but Kings of Leon and MGMT are just beginning their 26-31 years, and hopefully they’ll follow the trends of their predecessors…

ESPN's 30 for 30: Popkin Reviews 'Em All!!!

2009-10-06T09:40:00.000-07:00

Hello friends, been a while, but i'm performing some lyrical mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on The Honest Male Perspective......temporarily of course......but resuscitating it nonetheless!!

Your wondering what in good name of Yorvit Torrealba is bringing me back? ESPN's upcoming year-long series: "30 for 30."

...Allow me to expand.....

.....On the surface, "30 for 30" sounds like another familiar ESPN premise: Start with a catchy name, wrap it in "countdown" style format, add flashy graphics package, add 1 part Stuart Scott and mix. And VOILA! The sports-loving nation is served.

Too many times stunts like "Who's Now" or "Mount Rushmore of Sports" feel like forced, spoon-fed territory (the latter) or come off as a weak idea--who's today's biggest sports star?-- that end up doubling as cross-promotional tools for the movie "I now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry." (the former)

Both instances seemed fairly forced, very unnatural and thus uncool....its on the same scale of phony awkwardness of A-Rod's public image or when i try to pet a Dog....in the end all three try to come off like they know what they are doing, but its painfully obvious how unnatural the whole thing really is.

So why will 30 for 30 be any different? Well for starters, read the website's description and check the video clip:

"Inspired by ESPN’s anniversary, ESPN Films’ 30 for 30 is an unprecedented documentary series featuring thirty films from some of today’s finest storytellers. Each filmmaker will bring their passion and personal point of view to their film detailing the issues, trends, athletes, teams, rivalries, games and events that transformed the sports landscape from 1979 to 2009."

These aren't canned, formulaic "Behind The Music" style documentaries that all have the same narrartor......these are 30 Individual sports stories.....told in 30 different ways....by directors who pitched stories to ESPN based on their personal ties, or interest in the subject matter!!

Its unbelieveable to even comprehend......The "doused in disney"corporate check writers ESPN for once took the "hands off" approach, trusted filmmakers to do what they wanted to do.

You just never see the keys to car handed off for projects of this size......EVER....for this reason ESPN should be applauded.

And my excitement as a sports and film fan is absolutely genuine....this isn't some grassroots viral publicity campaign....its just that after working at ESPN and being a part of some of the behind-the-scenes stuff here for 4 years, it isn't as often that I get THIS excited about something we put out there!

and thats exactly why THMP is back with thunderous swagger!!

So here's my plan friends: watch every 30 for 30 film over the year.....and review it for you Siskel and Ebert style...if its a can't miss you'll know, and if it blew warm chunks of clam chowder i'll tell you so......then at the end of the series, i'll rank them ALL one-to-thirty.......sounds simple enough....so lets do this....

First up tonight at 8PM: King's Ransom by Peter Berg

Walken Is the King of SNL

2008-04-09T11:15:00.000-07:00

Yes he reads directly from a card, but goddammit is he funny. Watch and enjoy.

"Yo, don't dudley my scoot!"

2008-03-21T22:30:00.000-07:00

Scott i'm upset that your streak of "post titles featuring ejaculatory slang" ended at a paltry two. In other news, "The Honest Male Perspective" celebrated its 100th posting! With a whimper, mind you.

Between you and me dear reader, Scott, Doug and I have been secretly hoarding the funny. Thats right, for about 1 month the three of us have been using Google Reader to share the most john-blazin internet articles/clips with each other....

i know its not fair to deprave you funny clips. but lets face it. you are the middle man in this info-sharing orgy.

The REAL reason i'm posting isn't because baseball season is coming or because the Celtics are doing exactly what I predicted they'd do in this very space on October 30th. Its because I got bored on the internets again started inputting my name in various search engines....this week: URBAN DICTIONARY!

I foudn this idea is even MORE novel and cheeky than my last novel and cheeky idea of "Youtubing" myself! I found it eminently fascinating to know if my own name was being used as part of some secret (most likely urban?) amongst the social networks....am I a verb? am I noun? I was very happy with my findings...

the first definition was kinda stupid and confusing....

POPKIN:

n. 1.) A sandwhich in the 'High Speech', from Stephen King's Dark Tower series.

2.) A word Loran often calls Austin, means he is cute and sexy.

ex.} "i miss you, popkin"

See what I mean? i decree that anything/anyone that references Stephen King's "Dark Tower" series be beaten with the "nerd" shovel and have their pocket protectors and scotch-taped specticles publicly ridiculed.

definition 2 yielded much more....

POPKIN:

when a man gets head while eating a frozen treat (ex. ice cream)

ex.} " Man its so hot, I could use a popkin."

Kids, this is why we write blogs. Discoveries like that and their effect upon sharing them with the world. I mean honestly, now i can finally express myself. We've all yearned for frozen treats and we've yearned for oral treats. Now know what you get when we splice them together. You get Popkin.

Popkins are satisfying. Popkins are messy. A good Popkin is hard to find? I could do this all day....but I wont. We have one more urban interpretation of the name POPKIN!

POPKIN:

Old southern term for sandwich.

ex.} "Bob please make me a peanut butter and jelly popkin"

Think about THAT next time you're at Quiznos in Mobile, Alabama. This is good stuff folks.
What happens when you go down south and ask for a sub?? you will get laughed out of the diner and will go home hungry.

Before I bounce, I searched the names of the other THMP writers: here are my favorites

	DUDLEY
	1) To make a really big mess of something. 2) A really big mess. ex.{ "Yo, don't dudley my scoot!" "What a piece of dudley..."

BARKER

(1.) noun: A very unattractive woman. From dog, an animal which barks.

ex{ "That girl is a serious barker"

WARNER

Person who pretends to be a 'Goth' or 'Sweaty' 24/7m but removes all the metalgear and make-up when in the presence of Mom & Pop prior to going out for an evening meal.

Named after Brian Warner a.k.a. Marilyn Manson, who looks TOTALLY DIFFERENT without make-up and contact lenses!

ex.{ "Did you see Jim the other day in the library? I couldn't believe it - the guy's a REAL Warner!"

MOSES (definition 1)

An extremely cool, but difficult way to take a shit.

A moses is when you are freeing the "Egyptians" ... but just before they leave their "prison" you need to flush the toilet. This symbolises the parting of the seas. It is only a true MOSES if they hit a dry toilet bowl, and are then taken away to safety by the returning seas.

Your friends may claim to have pulled a perfect moses, but if there is any scepticism you can always tell by the larger than normal skid mark left on the bottom of the bowl.

This is an extremely difficult move to pull... your timing is critical!

ex.{ "WOW!! Look at that skid-mark, that was definately a legend that dropped that MOSES!! " "WOOOOO!HOOOOO! I just landed my first true-MOSES! A picture of that shits definately going on the net!!"

MOSES (definition 2)

a guy who will or had sex with a girl when she has her period,
part the red sea right?

ex. {"Betty: I got some last night. Jane: I thought you had your period? Betty: Yes, but John is freaking moses."

"WHY ARE THESE MINES EVEN HERE!?!"

2008-03-17T13:14:00.000-07:00

Pretty funny stuff...

Skeet skeet skeet skeeeet

2008-03-07T12:58:00.000-08:00

Maxiell got FACIALIZED by lil'jon Rondo. I literally vaulted from my seating apparatus like a cat being fired from a cannon (man that would be fun) when I saw this. I may have said it once... or even twice here before, but Rajon is turning into a full fledged pimp before my very eyes this season and it pleases me greatly. I can only imagine what a force he will be after learning some hardcore veteran chicanery from Sam Casseltic.

On this play, Rondo burns past Hamilton like it ain't no thang and then surprised us all by throwing down a hard righty jam directly on top of (respect where respect is due) a really sick low-post defender, Jason Maxiell.

I'm usually surprised when Rondo dunks on a fast break, let alone a half court set when he's facing a great perimeter defender and help D from an athletic freak like Maxiell. I'm pretty convinced that he's channeling the soul of KG here... cuz DAMN that play took some balls. Too bad he missed the free throw.

(Speaking of KG... I LOVE how he just sits there and yells in Rondo's face after this play like a pet owner screaming at his chihuahua that just shit on the new carpet. He's just so fired up that he literally can't contain himself. You can't teach that kinda passion - sorry Doc)

Somewhere Tommy Heinsohn just jizzed on himself

2008-02-29T08:12:00.000-08:00

So I'm watching the Louisville/Notre Dame game unfold last night and as Louisville came screaming out of the gates and took a 15 point lead, the camera pans the sidelines. Who do my little eyes spy? None other than Walter McCarty!!

For those of you who don't know, Walter is a Celtics legend from the days when our team SUCKED (circa anytime before this year). He was a joy to watch in an otherwise bleak landscape of untalented Celtics players. Tommy Heinsohn, the Celtics television broadcast color guy and former hustler extraordinaire, LOVED Walter. He would actually shout "I love WALTAAAHHH" everytime the guy did anything good whatsoever. I mean I honestly think there's a good chance that it might have been a sexual thing. Tommy gives out "Tommy points" throughout the course of the game for good hustle plays. Walter is unquestionably the all-time career leader in Tommy points. No one will ever take him down. Not even Big Baby (as consolation, he will certain go down in history for record breaking coy smiles) or Leon Powe.

So I checked around a little bit and sure enough, Walter is the assistant coach at Louisville. Walter played under Pitino - the current head coach at Louisville - at Kentucky and on the Celts. It makes so much sense. I learned something last night... It's now what you know in life, it is who you know. Also, I learned that I now love Louisville. Concurrently, I have an unnatural amount of hate for Luke Harangody from Notre Dame. Seriously, that guy is a total DOUCHE. Grow some eyebrows, ass!

Popkin "Youtubes" Popkin

2008-02-27T18:01:00.001-08:00

We've all "Googled" ourselves....but let me ask you this, friend. When was the last time you "Youtubed" yourself??

I youtubed myself today and thoroughly enjoyed what i found!

1. Dave Popkin Highlight Video--Popkin fact #1: did you know all Popkins love sports? Dave you sorry seton hall bastard i bet you'd really love to be working at ESPN right about now!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.IN YO FACE!!! See how i'm livin' Dave Popkin? See how i'm livin? In all seriousness this Popkin is pretty good, he is pleasing on the eyes, speaks with good diction, and Dave if you're out there, i'd be happy to pass help you get into ESPN. Interestingly enough we are more alike than you'll ever now...i also dabbled in sports anchoring at RIT...they have plaques up and shit all over every building.

2.Can't Touch This: POPKIN TIME--"4 Stray Ships in the night, combine to create a musical experience unlike any other known to man." Brother Popkin, I know hyperbole when I see one......Although I must say, I am impressed with Matt Popkin's respect for classic rap hits, his showmanship and willingness to make a fool of himself in front of a crowded room to get a laugh. Although Matt Popkin, not once did you even ATTEMPT the Hammer dance. Not two weeks ago, me and douggie actually performed that shit FOR FUN. AND IT WAS EXCELLENT.

3.For A While - Eliot Popkin--Popkin fact #2: we are a sensitive breed. This Popkin manages to marry superb vocal range with state-of-the-art video production! This song isnt bad, but this video blows the needle of the unintentional comedy scale. I urge Eliot Popkin to continue nurturing his career as singer-songwriter and for god's sake make a move on that hottie!

If you love songs about Irishmen and their goats...

2008-02-26T08:42:00.001-08:00

... then Michael Daly Tenor is right up your alley. I was watching some TV with Doug and Pop, whilst ponging the other day and on comes Sir Michael. My first assumption was that an old episode of Saturday Night Live suddenly came on and at any moment Phil Hartman (RIP) was going to pop out and say "Live From New York, it's Saturday Night!" Then he started singing a song called "Paddy McGinty's Goat," and I knew it was for real. Even SNL couldn't make that shit up. Alas the site doesn't have his TV commercial on it, but rest assured, if I find it, I will post immediately.

What else could you do? Those bitches had to die.

2008-02-19T21:36:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend Douglas and Scotius and myself were lamenting the end of the writer's strike and its direct effect on the quality of Late Night Conan O'Brien. During the strike Conan experienced comedic highs and joygasms that had been lost throughout the years of repetitive monologues and Kirstie Alley fat jokes. Watching mid-strike conan was a perfect blend of random, awkward, unscripted and unexpected and it was right in conan's wheelhouse....watching it made you realize just how formulaic the show had become over the past 5 years

anyway, thought i'd post what i felt was the funniest bit they did. It was a "getting to know the employees of Late Night" segment featuring a TRUE orginal, Associate Producer Jordan Schlansky. Enjoy.

Could have easily been the best superbowl commercial

2008-02-13T09:25:00.000-08:00

So I'm not sure why Budweiser chose not to air this commercial. It easily would have been the best in a crop of sub par Super Bowl commercials. Farts are ALWAYS funny. Always. So are fat people falling and animals dressed like people. I'm just astounded they chose to go with the fire breathing ability spot or the cavemen ad instead of this one. Cavemen aren't funny anymore. If we wanted to watch cavemen, we'd just turn on a San Francisco Giants game... get it? Steroids not funny anymore? OK, you win...

One quick note for after you watch the clip, Tad pointed out... why would anyone ever be pinching a loaf of bread? Still funny, but it's not like it's a normal thing to say, "hey guys if you need me, I'll be in the back gently squeezing this french bread between my thumb and forefinger." I still applaud the effort and the execution. They just lacked the balls to air a commercial built around fart jokes. What a shame...

It's ok. It really is.

2008-02-13T09:04:00.001-08:00

I'm sorry I haven't posted in so long. I am.

Hopefully this will make it all worthwhile, even though it's about 3 weeks late.

See you 'round campus.

Terrible.... But awesome... At the same time

2008-02-08T14:23:00.000-08:00

How the FUCK did Eastern Motors trick Lavar Arrington, Brendan Haywood, Ray Lewis, Clinton Portis and Clinton Portis' posse into doing this fucking HOT GARBAGE commercial? Your guess is as good as mine... and my guess is mad free cars, son. Mad free cars.

Worth sacrificing the quality of the commercial to have some A-minus-level celebs in the ad? You tell me... I know I wouldn't buy from Eastern Motors. Something tells me I'm not the target demographic.

Coy Smile of the Week

2008-02-07T18:03:00.001-08:00

Last week I was joking with Scott when he posted the Edward Norton coy smile that coy smiles were SO "last month."

between you and me, i said this just to piss off scott.

not only are Coy Smiles NOT out of fashion, but that they have never been in HIGHER DEMAND!!

what i like most about this partcular coy smile from Large Baby Glen Davis is that even though there are 35,000 screaming fans hooting (and most likely hollering as well) that there CLEARLY seems to be a moment being shared between The Large Baby and the AP photographer. i picture the song "Dreamweaver" playing in the backround.

Please forward more Coy smiles to the popkinster@gmail.com
and while your at it, head over to E-Trade and look up Stock Symbol CYSMLS...and INVEST ALL YOUR MONEY IN COY SMILES.

At the risk of being obscene...

2008-02-07T14:17:00.000-08:00

... Holy fucking shit, this is the funniest shit I've ever seen. I gained so much respeck for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman (still probably not going to watch your show) and it just confirms how fucking cool Matt Damon is. And how cool fucking him must be.

I swear I'm straight. Just watch the video.

No big surprise here

2008-02-05T14:43:00.000-08:00

Well, look who's happy that the Patriots lost. Easterbrook... you raging hemorrhoid sore.
I can practically hear you clicking your heels together as I attempt to read your drivel. The phrase "go suck an egg," has never been more poignant.

This post has nothing to do with Rocky movies...

2008-02-01T13:52:00.000-08:00

At first I saw that ESPN polled a bunch of celebs for their Superbowl picks and I thought, "Wow, that's stupid. Who cares what Ja Rule thinks??" Then I clicked the link and admittedly I could not stop reading. Deep down I wish the nerd in me could have put this into an Excel spreadsheet and done some goofy analysis on it... sorting the info based on intelligence, star-quality, etc. Sadly, it's Friday and I have better shit to do.

A few quick thoughts:

...Noteworthy folks who picked the Giants - Paul Newman (awesome guy, but saldy he's senile now), Dolph Lundgren, The guy who wrote the Dilbert comic strip, Miss USA, Dr. Joyce Brothers, Yogi Berra, the mayor of NYC (shocker) and the entire cast of the Sopranos (also a shocker)... Almost all of the athletes picked the Patriots (NASCAR doesn't really count) except Shaq (what's up with that big guy?) which I think tells you something about people who have a good grasp on the dynamics of competition and dominance... Something makes me feel good that we have Mike Eruzione (miracle on ice) on our side... No one cares what you think Dione Warwick or Joan Jett... everyone who cites the fact that the Giants are "on a roll" really pisses me off. How's 18-0 for a roll?? Plus a two week hiatus tends to cool a team off and let their true colors show through... The Pats played fairly poorly in week 16 and the Giants played as well as they possibly could have. We still won.... That being said, it's the SuperBowl and anything can happen... even Carl Weathers knows that he Pats will win!!

What I will look like this Sunday...

2008-01-28T09:21:00.000-08:00

So big ups to Gavin for finding the bearded brothers shirt. I purchased it and I'm assured it will be here in time for the SuperBowl. I'm going to promptly cut the sleeves and the belly off and wear it OVER my Tedy Bruschi jersey. YEAAHHH!

Coulda woulda shoulda

2008-01-24T12:32:00.001-08:00

By all accounts, Len Bias could have been the Michael Jordan of Boston... and by "by all accounts," I mean just Bill Simmons articles. Nevertheless, this man could have easily been someone I would have grown up idolizing. In a simple twist of fate, he became but a footnote in my passion for sports. For some reason this fascinates me and as a result I'm dying to see this flick: http://www.len-bias.com/trailer.html.

Who wants to see it with me? Also, who wants to see Cloverfield? I heard a JJ Abrams interview on Opie and Anthony this morning and that only fueled the raging fire that I have in my loins for that movie.

What's a good way to alienate your (limited) readership?

2008-01-24T12:14:00.000-08:00

With a big ripe, juicy inside joke!

Something even loser, non-New England fans can enjoy

2008-01-17T12:13:00.001-08:00

Okay, so even though this article is tagged as "something even asshole new england fans can enjoy,"... it's true. I enjoyed it. It reminded me that I need to start reading KSK again even though they hate on the Patriots out of pure jealousy.

Tom Brady IS all that AND a bag of chips. And the chips are made of gold. So is the bag they're in. I literally strive to emulate his success in everything I do. Okay, I'm done with the circle jerk.

On an unrelated note, I love the shirt Stallworth has on in this picture and I want to know where I can get it.In case you can't tell I'm really looking forward to this week's game. I'd almost be willing to skip through the rest of the weekend (using a crazy blue remote control like that crappy Adam Sandler movie I never saw) just so I could watch the game already... almost, but not quite because that would be a waste of perfectly good drinking time.

"Damnit, how do I rewind to a time when I was STILL funny?!?*"
*Not including this video - it's fucking hilarious

Even though the Chargers could potentially be missing their three best players, they seemingly have the best backups in the game at two of those three positions! In this grain of salt-worthy article that gives statistical projections for the game based on repeated simulations, they claim that the backups might even have a positive impact on the game! I'm not sure I buy the argument, or in this case the projections, for Michael Turner. He's easily the best backup back in football, but LT might be the best back ever. There's no way you'd ever have an addition by subtraction situation with this guy.

Rivers on the other hand might be a bit too emotional (see: mouthing off to the crowd last week whilst injured on the sidelines and watching his backup win the game for him), while even HE admits that Volek is a lot more even-keeled - something Sir Tom demonstrates as a valuable asset in playoff football - and they have extremely similar career numbers, so maybe I can buy this scenario. In the case of both Rivers and LT, it will be colder than the teet of a witch and that doesn't bode well for a sore knee, or for that case a sore ANYTHING.

It's playoff football, the Chargers are like a chicken patty, cuz they're on a roll and there's somewhat of a rivalry here.. it WILL be a good game... mark my words... with permanent ink... and make sure it's not one of those dry erase board markers that look like permanent markers... I hate those things.

"You think i give a f---k about this burger-less ass, low-rate ass burger king??" aka Whopper Freakout

2008-01-14T23:05:00.000-08:00

I DARE you to not forward this clip to your friends....I DARE YOU.
Its that good.

Anime? Animuthaf***king Hilarious!

2008-01-09T19:56:00.000-08:00

Last Friday I found a pretty funny Youtube clip (courtesy of the supreme bloggadocious Best Week Ever.com...) of the hella-old Legend of Zelda Cartoon (which aired 13 episodes waaaaay back in 1989) BWE blog dubbed the cartoon with the "per capita, the most overused catchphrase in the history of television." (clink linkto see the video)

My friend Shaugn recently caught wind of the Zelda link and today passed on another old-school cartoon montage (10 minutes to boot) of the old USANetworks Cartoon-based-on-a-video-game "Street Fighter"
It turned out to be one of the FUNNIEST montages of just rediculous Japanese non-sequitors....just a prime example of the cracked out shit that happens in Anime cartoons.

If you start to get tired a few minutes in cuz you dont get it, or find the 10 minute length too daunting...just go in knowing that these are quick non-sequiters edited together....at LEAST promise me to watch to the 3:30 mark, where my favorite scene had me LOL'ellin like a ~~petty thief~~ felon.

the sheer amount of rediculousness in this clip boggles my mind....human men actually sat down and took the time to draw, script and voice this.........and human children probably could give two shits. precisely two.

the sheer joy of the Street Fighter clip made me hunger to see one of the classic cartoon bits from Kevin Smiths short-lived "Clerks: The Cartoon" which at the end of an episode goes on a genius 2-minute plunge into japanese anime chaos....

seeing it gain makes every random Street Figher moment even sweeter.....

ATTENTION EVERYONE! PLEASE REMAIN CALM! I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!

2008-01-02T10:07:00.000-08:00

In the spirit of those deeply disturbing Canadian Public Service announcements about "being careful," (doesn't that seem really generic? do they have a clumsy epidemic up north that I don't know about?) I've decided to take a few seconds to live up to the name of the blog and offer an honest male perspective on a timely topic in the form of a PSA.

Recently I discovered, much to my chagrin that not many people know about the power of white pants. The white pants phenomenon, or WPP (yeah you know me) is a powerful tool and can be dangerous if used carelessly or if it falls into the wrong hands. I feel it's important to arm the general public with this information because if used properly white pants could even be capable of ending wars and bringing together the entire human race. White pants make decent looking girls look downright hot. They make plain Jane's look decent and they make hot girls downright life threatening - on par with the Zodiac Killer, a sniper rifle, Scorpion from Mortal Kombat and a Corey Dillon stiff-arm on the deadly scale.

What causes this?? My esteemed Chief Research Assistant on the matter, Eli Mofo has done a little digging, involving interviewing some women to discover just what it is that makes these garments so powerful. From one interview, he discovered that, "...white fattens the ass and black slims, but she's a dumb ho, what does she know anyway?" Shocking. Who knew that the color of pants could change the fatness of an ass??? Simply astounding.

Through extensive trial-based research the phenomenon has been reduced to a simple mathematical formula : X +2 = Y, where x is the pre-white pants numerical hotness value and Y is the post-white pants value. So let's say you have a 4 who puts on some white pants. You now have a 6 on your hands. The increase in value is only valid for the duration of the white pants wearing. On a scale of 1-10, a two point increase is DRASTIC.

"HOT DAYUMMMMM! That is one hot set of disembodies legs."

So what as males can we do to defend ourselves against this misleading phenomenon? Nothing. We're simply defenseless. Luckily for us, we have two saving grace's. First, white pants typically only come out in the summertime when our hormonal levels are adjusted to seeing more skin and tighter clothes, leaving us better equipped to do battle. Second, the WPP does have it's limits. It stops working on values below 4. In fact, they have a reverse effect on 3's and below, so a 2 in WPP terms would actually be a 0 and a 1 would be a negative 1. Even white pants can only do SO much... we can all breathe a collective sigh of relief.
So be warned everyone... watch out for those white pants. If we have each others' backs on this, we may be able to prevent unnecessary wifing and baby mama drama.

When Bee Movie Promos Go Bad...

2008-01-01T17:10:00.000-08:00

( note to the readers: this post was written in late october and written in a genuine fit of rage and emotion at the flurry of Seinfeld Bee Movie promos....it was to be sealed in forever, deep down in the lonely THMP draft vault's forever....until i re-read today and laughed.)

The return of Seinfeld.

A month and a half ago that would have been cause for heel-clicking joygasms and humorous "What's the Deal with _____ ?" observations. On Nov 2nd. things feel a bit different.

Before September, Seinfeld had been nothing more than a whisper in the wind, an Obi Wan like Hermit solely living in our collective conciousness only through TBS re-runs and that kid at your office who can find a Seinfeld reference that fits literally any occasion.

Since September Jerry Seinfeld has scissorkicked mainstream america in the Temple with shameless media-whoring bliztkrieg the likes of which have never been seen before.

He's been everywhere one promo was cleverly disguised as an episode of the popular sitcom "30 Rock." His hit-or-miss "TV-Junior" promos have peppered the airwaves of all of NBC's weekly lineup and they mostly miss.

He has raped the "tounge-in-cheek advertisement" and left us bleeding, shivering and crying on the bathroom floor whispering "the b-b-bees.....sweet jesus make them stop....the bees.....stop them from buzzzing around my soul....."

Bee Movie. Coming to a theater near you on November 2nd.

Things That Rocked Popkin in The Year 2007

2008-01-01T10:40:00.000-08:00

In true Alex Popkin fashion I had been kicking this blog around since Matt came out with his awesome Top 10 Albums list...and seemed destined to never materialize.

Well only 1 day into the year 2008 and already talking about re-living '07 sounds about as fun as re-living 9th grade Earth Science....regardless, i do feel the need to tell the world a few things that rocked my fucking socks off in 2007 and some things i could have done without.

TV
Flight of the Conchords
undoubtably, most everthing on this list won't come as any surprise to my closest friends just because as most friends go, they tend to have shared interests which makes it their respective duties to keep each other in the loop on the funniest, greatest stuff out in the world.

If there was ever anything worth championing in 2007 it was HBO's Flight of the Conchords. What I believe to have been the funniest new TV show of the year....FOTC is more Spinal Tap meets the Monkees than Tenacious D. FOTC absolutley MASTERS the awkward moment and has become THE go-to show for quoting.

LOST Season 3 Finale
the brilliance of show continues to amaze me. dont ever buy into the hype that poor ratings reflect poor storylines and substance. Mainstream americas need for lafftrack bullshit 30-minute shows like "The New Adventures of Old Elaine Benes" is the reason for the ratings drop.This is the reason all LOST fans are immediately kindred spirits....we know what you are missing. As a non-LOST fan you are in amazing position to have 3 full seasons of DVD's you can tear through non-stop no 6-month waits....this is the equivalent of
Scrooge McDuck diving into his pool of gold coins, only if if Scrooge was a crackhead and the coins were crack rock.

Know this and know it without a trace of hyperbole: The season 3 finale has was one of the most incredible/satisfying show twists in TV history.

Quick Mentions:
Codemonkeys ( on G4): out of the family guy, Aqua Teen adult swim humor mold...Codemonkeys is an awesome cartoon about a small mid 80's video game programming company that is actually animated like an 8-bit Nintendo game.....reallly underrated show.

Mohegan Sun's Sports Tonight (Comcast Sports Net) - quickly becoming my favorite Boston Sports Talkshow. I started watching last year after Celtics games and the chemistry of Gary Tanguay and Greg Dickerson and their rotating guests instantly made me a fan of the show....Its probably the most informative non-radio talk show about Boston sports but they also have the most amazing, often hilarious recurring pro athlete guests like Jon Papelbon and Vince Wilfork.

Cinema

Children of Men
The only movie in which I can say truly moved me this year was "Children of Men.

Bleak near future setting where the human race mysteriously has stopped procreating? Check.

Relatable everyman anti-hero thrust with a nigh-impossible task escorting the first pregnant woman across Europe ? Check.

Breakthrough cinematic work, including some terrifyingly "Private Ryan" style action sequances? Check

Michael Caine as a wise and noble loveable old pothead? Double Check.

Great great movie. Also of special note, when you watch this on DVD, make sure you watch the featurette about the "Car Attack" scene. It featured a 10-minute, one-take camera shot where a camera harness was specially built to give a 360-degree shot from inside the car and made for one of the more gripping scenes I've ever seen. Also on the dvd is a making of maybe the most realistic baby-birth scene ever created......and its all done with Computer Graphics....truly remarkable.

Music

The Avett Brothers

Divine intervention brought this band to my doorstop. I keep an episode of Conan on my DVR just to have whenever the mood strikes me....one day I was lucky enough to catch a performance of "Paranoia in B-Flat Major." It was intense, passionate...something you rarely get on Late Night TV show performances..... And I needed more.

Wikipedia says:

The Avett Brothers combine old-time country, bluegrass, punk, pop melodies, folk, rock and roll, honky tonk and ragtime to produce a sound described by The Washington Post as "post civil-war modern rock", or by other reviewers as "grungegrass".

The group themselves eschews labels, feeling that "none would do the music the justice. It's simply left up to each person to extract his or her own account from the Avett's music."

That being said, What do i think they sound like? I would have call them an ever-changing mix of The Violent Femmes, Neil Young, Pearl Jam and The O'Brother Where Art Thou soundtrack.

Songs to cop: "Matrimony", "Colorshow", "Go To Sleep", "Will You Come Again"

Its bluesy, banjo infused ROCK music and its awesome....it may not ever be the next big thing....but there is NOTHING out there that sounds like it.

Silverchair - "Those Theiving Birds"/"Straight Lines"
Let me preface this entry by telling you that there isnt an trace of one fucking neutron of an atom from the 16 year old, Frogstomp days of Silverchair In fact, there may be no greater example of evolving musical skills than that of lead singer Daniel Johns. This is completely evident on their new album "Young Modern." At first listen, i had the Aural-equivalent of a "spit-take." (not the good kind)

I was visibly perturbed by the direction their new album had taken.

If you ran into me 20 minutes later, you might have said something like: "Geez, Alex....you look upset....whats wrong?"

and I would have responded: "ahh....its-.its...its nothing....actually, I just got the new Silverchair, and...well.....its really..... wierd."

So how did two songs make the list that rocked me? Well, "Those Theiving Birds" is nothing short of a masterfully crafted rock-opus of "operatic" proportions. Its akin to what Green Day did with the 8-minute "Jesus of Surburbia" only its Silverchair channelling their inner Andrew Lloyd Webber.....if you let it in....the song will reward you....me and scott joke all the time about what would actually be happing in this song if this were made into a musical....maybe someday you and I could share the same good natured laughs.....

The song "Straight Lines" is the only traditional track on the album...it sounds like the one song that the producers were begging them to include cuz they needed a hit on what would have otherwise been lableld "a experimental fringe music".....I'll tell you what, those greedy producers were right. the song is a flat out hit, and if you have 99 cents to burn on Itunes, you would be doing yourself a favor.

The Internet

Best Week Ever

I would have to call this the pulse of the popculture blogosphere. Without a doubt, the best collection of lists, commentary, anecdotes, recaps, links, videos, and photos with anything that has to do with PopCulture....it really changes what we qualify as popculture....worldnews, sports....everything is here in blog form from leaked trailers. The writers are every bit the comic nerd, sports obsessed, gossip crazed cynics that I could ever hope to accurately rip off.....i mean.....EMULATE....

If Best Week Ever is Alec Baldwin in the blog world, The Honest Male Perspective is whoever the least successful Baldwin is.

They invented the hilarious "Reverse Fred Savage Theory" which describes the phenomena of awkward, not very attractive child stars who sprout into very attractive adults (Patrick Dempsey, Jerry O'Connell)

But My favorite feature of Best Week Ever is without question "Celebrity Math"

Quick Mentions:

Smodcast: Kevin Smith's free podcast has swept THMP bloggers (except matty i think) into a frenzy of laughs and overall delight. The converstational 50 minute podcasts are often very dirty, and slow paced and full of misinformation....but it really accurately captures the kind of rambling talks everybody has with their friends. The laughter is genuine, the friendship is genuine and the smodcast always delivers a moment that causes me to erupt into laughter at inopportune times (the workplace, the eliptical machine.)

Things I could have done without in 2007:

Spider-Man 3 (movie and videogame): we never were privvy to a Jim Dudley blog-bashing extravaganza like I was pushing for.....but c'mon the movie just reeked of half-assedness...the first 30 minutes of the movie was good....but it was clear Venom was just tossed in there to sell more toys when Sam Raimi A)didnt want Venom in the movie and B) didnt understand the character in the first place....sucks that thos fat cat movie execs forced him to do it. The video game wasn't bad on the whole, but after the groundbreaking Spidey 2 game as a road map, you'd think a next-gen Spidey game would be eezy peezy lemon squeezy.....not so....the game-makers slacked off, figured we could stomach a half-assed game that was IDENTICAl to the old one. what a ball-buster.

Gamez N' Flix (DVD/Game Internet Rental): with a fresh XBOX 360 console , i was eager to start developing my videogame personality....i'd also never been involved in Netflix or Blockbuster and would have tested them out soon enough....i chose gamez'nflix because i knew one thing: i needed both games AND flicks. the trial subscription went well...i was treated like a king with quick-turnaround deliveries.....when i got to my first month of paid service, the selection was better but i discovered a couple thigns 1) i never could guarentee that i'd be getting a movie or game on any delivery 2) you couldnt select TV shows on a disc-by-disc basis 3) i just didnt like the pressure of feeling that i had to make every rental a GREAT one...(also, Scotty B scorned them after the customer service reps fucked with him over some customer servicy shit....scott vowed to take the company down brick by brick.....i think it was all talk)

Fantasy Sports: this one is all about the bitterness. you put work into creating a team...you follow them...make your moves with the savvyness of a Wall Street Businessman....you play with a code of ethics....try to remain humble....and it always seems like stuff that is beyond your control happens to you to keep you down....be it injury (Chase Utley) a blown save on the last inning of the last game (Houston Stree in one leauge, Manny Corpas in another simultaneously screwing me) that costs you a championship....i like that the world at large is an unscripted one.....but just once I want to finish at number 1. just once.

Barry Bonds: the record is still Hanks. please just go away.

I dont know why I dont have more stuff to rip on.....maybe it will come to me later, or maybe i've just Ctrl+Alt+Deleted that shit out my mainframe.

Th-th-th-thats all folks, have a happy new year!

Boner Bonanza

2007-12-21T10:55:00.000-08:00

So, I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the most mature human being on the planet. However, I don't think that I'm in the minority when I say that hearing the word "boner," only brings to mind erect johnsons and makes me laugh like the baby in those life insurance commercials.
Some people out there refuse to admit that boner has become a dirty word and still use it in their everyday vocabulary to indicate a mistake or a comical error. Stop using the word like this, people! It makes other people uncomfortable and giggly. Not good for business.
Today I was in a meeting and someone managed to slip "boner" into a mini-monologue about a marketing plan. I literally had to pretend I was going to the bathroom and leave the room. When I was done laughing, I silently blamed the speaker for the inconvenience and still resent them for it. They didn't HAVE to use that word. I think they did it on purpose to single me out and it pisses me off (on a side note, later on in the very same meeting, someone referred to something as the best thing since "sliced breast." Luckily I was all giggled out at this point and managed to maintain my composure). How did this person get away with this?!? I don't drop dirty slang into my speech to see who erupts into laughter. Next week I'm going to try and use words like "titter," "shuttlecock" and "cunt-whistle" (okay so that's not really a word) in front of this cunning individual and see how THEY like it.
When I got back to my desk, I had to check out wikipedia to see just how widespread the word is, apart from it's dirty (but funny) uses. I'm glad no one stopped by my desk to see what I was up to when I had the wikipedia page for BONER up on my screen. Anyways, it turns out the word really has a lot of uses! Who knew!? It's a term used by the USDA to classify cattle... a knife used to remove bones from meat... even an informal term for the guy who drives the zamboni! "My dad works a second job as a boner at the ice rink on weekends." I was even reminded of the recurring character, Boner, from a childhood favorite television show called Growing Pains. How did they get that on TV back then?? I even came across this clip from an old Batman comic that makes the Joker seem way gayer than he ever has before:

I wonder what exactly the Joker's looking downwards at? Anyways, let's get one thing straight. I'm personally reclaiming "boner" as a dirty word.

Top Ten

2007-12-17T21:15:00.001-08:00

Well, friends, it seems 2007 is drawing to a close. To honor this unique and momentous occasion, I began to write a "Top Ten Albums of 2007" blog, but in all honesty there were only about 6 albums on it. My second draft of the blog was expanded to include selections from '06 (since I didn't write a Top Ten last year), but it felt a bit convoluted (including things like Gnarls Barkley and Pearl Jam that I haven't listened to in months). So, instead I give you:

Ten Bands/Artists Scott, Jim, Alex, Doug & Tad Should Start Listening To
(if they haven't already).
In alphabetical order.

1. Band of Horses
Why? Because they're awesome. A good old fashioned rock band with southern inflections, these guys write infectious melodies and their singer has a really really long beard. Plus they have a song called "Detlef Schrempf." I'm serious.
Sounds like a cross between: Jane's Addiction and The Shins...with just one ounce of Seattle.
Standout tracks: Is There A Ghost, Funeral, Ode to LRC, The First Song, Islands on the Coast.
Recommended album: Cease to Begin.

2. Sam Bisbee
Why? Because he's cool and our paths are forever intertwined in the NYC music scene. His live show is superb and these albums are a perfect blend of pop sensibilities with rock integrity.
Sounds like a cross between: Ben Folds, Mike Doughty and Weezer.
Standout tracks: You Are Here, Oxygen, Miracle Car, Age of Consent, Breaking.
Recommended album: High.

3. Mike Doughty
Why? Because two years ago I wrote an entire "top ten albums of '05" list just so that I could include him as #1. His record is that good. And he's got a new one coming out in February.
Sounds like a cross between: Beck, Pete Yorn and Dave Matthews (but good...really good).
Standout tracks: Looking at the World from the Bottom of a Well, Ways & Means, Madeline and Nine, The Only Answer, I Just Want the Girl in the Blue Dress to Keep on Dancing.
Recommended album: Haughty Melodic (which, incidentally, is an anagram for his name).

4. Matthew Good
Why? Because I just can't stop listening to him. Between "Matthew Good Band" and his solo albums, I have almost 9 hours of his music on my computer...and I never get sick of it.
Sounds like a cross between: Early Radiohead, Smashing Pumpkins, Our Lady Peace, Pearl Jam...this is very "90's Rock" influenced but his songwriting and voice are so unique that it doesn't sound formulaic.
Standout tracks: Hello Time Bomb, Apparitions, 99% of Us is Failure, Flashdance 2, Pledge of Allegiance.
Recommended album: Beautiful Midnight (MGB), Avalanche (solo).

5. The Hold Steady
Why? Because they're fun.
Sounds like a cross between: Bruce Springsteen and The Mighty Mighty Bosstones at a frat party.
Standout tracks: Stuck Between Stations, Massive Nights, You Can Make Him Like You, Chillout Tent, Southtown Girls.
Recommended album: Boys & Girls in America.

6. The National
Why? Because they've got this vibe...that's pleasantly depressing and saddeningly uplifting.
Sounds like a cross between: The Killers, U2 and the soft disc of Foo Fighters "In Your Honor."
Standout tracks: Fake Empire, Mistaken For Strangers, Apartment Story, Squalor Victoria, Brainy.
Recommended album: Boxer.

7. Neutral Milk Hotel
Why? Because this is one of the greatest albums ever recorded. And the band barely lasted long enough to get it done, let alone tour and become the superstars they could've been. It's ten year anniversary is coming up, and I think you all should celebrate by buying it and becoming obsessed.
Sounds like a cross between: Heaven and hell.
Standout tracks: The King of Carrot Flowers Parts 1-3, Holland 1945, Communist Daughter, Ghost.
Recommended album: In The Aeroplane Over The Sea.

8. Pela
Why? Because they're about to blow up and you don't want to be the last kid on the block to know what's up. I'm serious. Mark it down.
Sounds like: If U2 were formed in 2004 as a bunch of twenty-somethings in Brooklyn and played raucous Indie-rock.
Standout tracks: Waiting On The Stairs, Lost To The Lonesome, Tenement Teeth, Rooftops, Latitudes.
Recommended album: Anytown Graffiti.

9. Soul Coughing
Why? Because before he went solo, Mike Doughty had a kickass band, and somehow I completely missed them (except for that weird "Super Bon Bon" song).
Sounds like: Well, it's like if Mike Doughty had a band. And they were jazzy, and grungy, and electro-influenced...and basically just out of their minds but awesome. Pioneers of a style of music that no one else even attempted.
Standout tracks: Circles, Rolling, Sugarfree Jazz, Moon Sammy, Janine.
Recommended album: Ruby Vroom.

10. T.V. On The Radio
Why? Because for several months I had the chorus to "Province" stuck in my head, but didn't know of the worlds (or melody) so was unable to convey to anyone what I was looking for. But I knew I loved it and wanted to find the band responsible. One fateful night last February it came on at a club and I asked my friend if he knew he it was. He did.
Sounds like a cross between: Yikes. Gnarles Barkley, Flaming Lips and Arcade Fire? With some really loud distorted guitars? Honestly, I have no idea how to describe these guys.
Standout tracks: Province, I Was a Lover, Playhouses, Wolf Like Me, Tonight.
Recommended album: Return From Cookie Mountain.

Really the best thing to come out of this whole Mitchell Report fiasco...

2007-12-14T13:07:00.001-08:00

Tis the season...

2007-12-14T10:56:00.001-08:00

Children crying in Santa Claus' lap. Does it make me a horrible person if I think these pictures are hilarious???

I can't decide if I like slide 14 or 16 better. I particularly like how Santa looks like he's trying not to crack up in most of these.

The Worldwide Leader in Poor Taste

2007-12-14T07:07:00.001-08:00

Just caught this even though it's a bit old. There was a poll that was on Page 2 on ESPN.com about a week ago asking readers which they would prefer - that the Steelers beat the Patriots, Santana gets traded to any team besides the Red Sox, Kevin Garnett blows out his knee, or all of the above. Are we serious here?? It's bad enough that they post a blatantly anti-Boston poll, but ask fans if they are rooting for the (career ending?) injury of one of the NBA's premium good guys is despicable.

Covering they asses, ESPN did release an apology: “Friday’s ESPN.com Page 2 poll used very poor judgment in its
option about Kevin Garnett. The poll was removed immediately upon the
senior editorial staff becoming aware, and we sincerely regret the
error in judgment. We are addressing the issue and apologize to Kevin
Garnett, to the Celtics organization and to those offended by the poll
question. Obviously, we wish good health to all athletes.”

Here at the Honest Male Perspective, I would like to release an official poll in response to their poll. Would you rather:
A.) Fox Sports gets an exclusive national contract with the MLB, the NBA and the NFL, leaving only Hockey and women's badminton for ESPN to cover.
B.) All of the talented anchors leave the network to pursue a career in professional jizz mopping.
C.) Stu Scott's lazy eye falls right out of his face on national TV.
D.) All of the above.

How does it feel, ESPN? How does it feeeeeel?

What is Roberto Kelly?

2007-11-17T17:08:00.000-08:00

A Giant, apparently.

...in the cold November rain.

2007-11-17T11:15:00.001-08:00

Posts this month: Me and Scott - 8.
The resta y'all lazy mofos (Jim, Alex, Doug and the elusive Tad) - zero.

Steps it up, kids.

Lyrically committing credit card fraud on ya asssss

2007-11-15T13:26:00.000-08:00

A new favorite pastime of mine (you may have noticed at the end of my last posting) - which I credit Popkin for - is coming up with new and funny ways to say that you lyrically busted on someone's ass. It's especially funny when you throw a petty crime in after "lyrically." A few gems:

Lyrical tax evasion

Lyrically loitering

Lyrical indecent exposure

Lyrical insider trading

When I lived in NY I got arrested for lyrical theft of services... no wait that was just regular old fashioned theft of services... oops! Here - try it yourself!

This picture makes me wants kids...

2007-11-15T13:15:00.000-08:00

On the lighter side of things...

2007-11-15T09:20:00.000-08:00

...check out this ridiculous prank. Replace the mirror in a bathroom with a window pane, place a set of identical twins in identical rooms opposite each other and proceed to fuck with everyone who walks in. You gotsa ta see it to believe it.

G-Unit Wanksta Status Report: Fiscal Year 2007

2007-11-15T09:07:00.000-08:00

Here's a hilarious site brought to my attention by an anonymous cheeba-loving former colleague of mine which displays hip-hop lyrics and theories in the form of graphs and charts. I'm a big fan of anything that takes street lingo and caucasian-izes it, makes it sound scholarly... or anything that generally removes it's "street smooveness." I find this humorous as a general rule of thumb. A good example would be that Goulet skit with Will Ferrell, where GOULET! makes a hip-hop cover album.

So if you see me in the streets and I'm lookin' like someone pooped in my oatmeal, hit me with a popular rap lyric in your best nerdy white voice and it'll be sure to have me cheesin'. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a lyrical board meeting to attend....

Say it ain't so, Aubrey Huff

2007-11-15T08:53:00.000-08:00

I actually have extreme hesitation about what I'm about to post, but given the "terminal illness that HMP has contracted" (good assessment, Scott) I think we need something. I'll admit, when Mr. Huff first came along he seemed pretty cool. In 2003 he hit .311 with 34 homers, 91 runs and 107 rbi. Not too shabby - and he played 162 games. Since then, his home runs have gone down every single year (except once they stayed the same), and all of his other numbers have been on the steady decline as well. In 2006 he was traded to my beloved Astros...not really sure what that was about since Morgan Ensberg is basically the same player. Despite all this, Aubrey is still a badass name, so I think he's held a special, if insignificant, place in all our hearts. Until now. Click at your own risk. And make sure your boss isn't around.

I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this

2007-11-07T07:58:00.000-08:00

Hey look, it's veteran actor Jeff "don't call me Harry" Daniels, and Green Day drummer Tre "there's no way in hell this is my real name" Cool. Striking resemblance, if I do say so myself. Here's a little nugget about Daniels from imdb.com - he played the father of Anna Paquin in Fly Away Home (1996) and then her romantic partner in The Squid and the Whale (2005) nine years later. That's kinda gross. As for Mr. Boulevard of Broken Drumsticks, his real name is actually Frank Edwin Wright III. Go figure.

What's eating Gilbert Zero?

2007-11-02T12:35:00.000-07:00

That's more like it Gilbert.... that's more like it. I knew I liked you. You alllllllright.

Gilbert's the Chad Johnson of the NBA - flashy, but not in a self-absorbed way. More in an "I'm here to entertain the fans" kind of way.

I still Hope KG posterizes the beard off him to make up for the comments about how he never takes the last shot.

Hittin' the links like Tiger Woods

2007-11-01T13:47:00.001-07:00

-I know that personally, every time I see ads for Fox 25 News, Maria Stephanos really gets my motor running. Fox just seems to have a knocker... I mean knack for hiring really hot female news anchors. Check out this link to see if you can tell a Fox News anchor from a porn star.

-I lived in NYC for two years... as recently as a month ago.... and I never really got harassed for my Red Sox gear. Especially on the streets! You see people in Red Sox hats all the time. If this article is accurate then things have changed very quickly. The only time I ever had anyone say ANYTHING to me was when I wore my "Coco" shirt to Yankees Stadium. What was I thinking?? That's just asking for it. If people in the big apple really have that much disdain for the Sox suddenly after their second WS title in the past few years, then what once was a mighty proud fanbase certainly has fallen.

-I'm not the biggest Simmons fan anymore - not because of anything he's done (it's not you, it's me), if anything hes remarkably consistent - however, I was amazed at how similar his thoughts in this article were to what Alex, Doug and I talked about while watching game 7 of the World Series and celebrating afterwards with drinks at the White Horse.

-I hit you with a few Red Sox articles, now a few Pats pieces. Both are about the new Patriots "scandal" these days where everyone seems to be bitching about them running up the score. Totally a media creation, for the simple reason that it's much harder to talk about the X's and O's of football, than it is to create a false scandal and get people worked up for no reason at all. First comes an article on the 'Skins game this past weekend. I like how simple Belichick makes it:

"I've been coaching too long," Belichick said. "I remember being on
that side. When I was coaching defense it was my job to keep the score
down, not theirs. When you're playing defense it's your job to stop
them. It's not (the offense's) job to not score. It's like I tell the
offense, what the (bleep) do you think I send you guys out there for?
To punt? We have a punt team for that. That's not your job. Your job is
to go out there and score points. If you come off the field and you
haven't scored points you haven't done your job."

I don't know why but I find his grumpy persona endearing. the second article is written by a member of the Washington Post a few days after the game and she's actually defending the Pats. It brings up a few major points. First - It's not the Pats' job to make sure they don't score when they have the ball... it's the other team's D that's responsible for that. Chris Cooley supported this sentiment publicly... which I find strange because he plays offense, but props nonetheless. Second - conditioning. This is huge and it's a point a lot of people are missing. If the Pats get accustomed to taking their foot off the gas pedal, they lose a stride and thus lose an edge against the better teams (i.e. this weekend against the Colts). In any other profession, when is it disrespectful to do your job to the best of your ability. The Pats are striving for perfection. In the words of Herm Edwards, "You play to win the game!". Thanks Herm, now run along... I think there's a clock somewhere that needs to be mismanaged.

-Can't leave the Celts out. Piggybacking off Popkin's emotional KG video, it excites me to know that Perk and KG are meshing so well. This means strong front court D for us for the first time in years! This second one coming from an awesome site that worships to the physical god that is Kendrick Perkins, called perkisabeast.com. Why would Sheed and Agent Zero talk so much shit? I like Agent Zero... Why'd you say that Gilbert? Why? You're my hero. And you say something dirty. Like poop. Poop mouth. I hate you Agent Zero, I hate you.

-Goddamn this was a cool commercial, even if Vick kills puppies and TO is the byproduct of a human and a donkey mating.

-Not a link, but what I think is an awesome quote from Bill Nye the Science Guy (from the "whatever happened to that guy.... no wait don't answer that because I don't really care" file): "The more you find out about the world, the more opportunities there are to laugh at it."

-It really irked me when Boras/Rod decided to announce his ascension from hell/opt out of his Yankees contract during the last game of the World Series. What an attention whore. Go hump a tranny.

-Finally, the link of the week. Have you ever wondered what you would look like if you were 80 years old or of Asian descent? African descent? Ape descent? What you would look like if you were a chick? Now you can find out. Here's me as a chick... damn I'd be hot.

And me as an Asian guy - Siho, if you're reading this... we're brothers!
Me as a little boy... this is creepy because I really looked EXACTLY like this. I have a picture on my parents fridge of me at the beach and I'm making the exact same face.

Lastly - Panet of the Apes Scott.
okay, so the pics are a bit blurry... but this opens up a MAJOR can of worms here. What if Dudley was black???

"Look at the sky its a full moon...on the sabbath."

2007-10-30T23:16:00.000-07:00

Its no secret 30 Rock is the balls. One of the best moments from this season was a quick glimpse of Tracy Jordan's hilarious novelty video "Werewolf Bar-Mitzvah."
Werewolf Bar Mitzvah quickly earned status as my Fantasy Football team name and on top of that the FULL 2 minute song that was apparently actually recorded by Tracy Morgan was released....enjoy this montage....

This is how I'm Built.

2007-10-30T22:50:00.000-07:00

"That's my biggest problem, that I can't accept losing. I won't accept losing. I won't EVER accept losing. Ever. No one will ever be able to call me a loser to my face.....and stand there."
-Kevin Garnett

On the eve of what will be the most exciting Celtics season in 15 years, its time to take a personal look at the man known as Kevin Garnett. Go to any sports site, read any magazine and you'll see the standards predictions of the upcoming season by all sorts of so-called-experts.

Look, i dont know basketball X's and O's and I don't know salary cap figures. Throw the "veteran point guards" arguement at me and "chemistry will take time"

All I know is that without a doubt the Celtics are winning the east and going to the finals this year.
And I know it because of this 2005 interview with Kevin Garnett where I learned all I needed to know.

I urge all newcomers to the Celtics wagon to watch this video because you will really see a new side to The Big Ticket....and you'll understand why this season is going to be so special.

Juan vs. Goliath

2007-10-29T13:48:00.000-07:00

After a glorious, Boston sports-filled Sunday, attending the Pats game and then watching the Sox win the World Series with two of my best buds, it would be easy to do a big long Red Sox post... maybe even TOO easy. Plus, I'm so happy right now, I don't even know what to say other than this has been my favorite team to watch in the History of the Red Sox and I'm glad that the team won't be dismantling in the off season. We can only really get better from here barring injuries, on account of our surging youths. In the words of Papelbonzer when a reporter tried to interview him right after the game ended , "Dude, I can't even talk right now."

So instead of an exclamation point-laced diatribe about how wicked awesome the sox are, here's a video of a giant man knocking a below average sized dude the fuck out. The guy's head spins around after the punch like a cartoon character or a bobblehead doll and he was unconscious for 3 hours.... damn!

A League of Extraordinarily Depressed Gentlemen (AKA: A Series of Unfortunate Series)

2007-10-29T08:51:00.000-07:00

The 2007 National League of baseball was an absolute shit show. This blog is not to belittle the accomplishments or events that were performed in the AL this year, specifically the Boston Red Sox impressive come from behind run for their second world series win in four years. However, I felt driven to lay down the sob story that was the 2007 NL before the books are closed for the holidays and forgotten by next year’s season or any other sports event before then.

The most interesting teams of promise and resolve arose in the National League this season. There were many a great baseball story like the Milwaukee Brewers dominance throughout much of the first half of the season with scarcely any “stars”, the Mets v. Phillies heated rivalry, and the battle of surprisingly consistent teams of potential and skill out west. These teams included literally almost everyone in the division, from the Dodgers to the Padres to the two teams that ended up MAKING it to the NLCS, in the Rockies and D-backs. The only team that DIDN’T get in on the mix was the San Francisco Barry Bonds’ who had one night of notice when the most infamous curmudgeonly cheater who plays 50 games a year “broke” the all-time homerun record for career jacks. He valiantly raised his arms in the air before the ball snuck over the wall for a homerun, keeping his “me before anything else in the stadium” style consistent ‘til the end. Young players like Matt Holliday, Ryan Howard, and Prince Fielder lit up the diamond with impressive jomers and Ribeye steaks. A little elf with a miner’s helmet two sizes too big collected the 3000^th hit of his career, a man named Jake Peavy, who has proven that pitchers can still be pimps no matter how uneasy it may be, accomplished the rare pitching triple crown in the NL, and a swaggering, hardnosed, sexy young stud who goes by the name of J-roll ripped up the league in so many hitting categories I lost count, and stellar defense to boot. Yes, things were looking promising. Things were looking fresh. But it was all a big joke. The punchline? The 2007 NL postseason.

The Mets lead the NL East by 7 games with 17 left to play. They blew it. The Milwaukee Brewers, who were 5 games up at the all-star break and 11 games over .500, were still tied for first with two weeks left to play. They blew it. The St. Louis Cardinals, who won the World Series last year and were the heavy favorite for the NL central, never really had a shot at the postseason all year. The San Diego Padres, who lead the NL wildcard in a very VERY crowded race throughout the entire month of September, had a chance to clinch their playoff spot with a Rockies loss with three games left to play, or ONE WIN with two left to play, or ONE MORE STRIKE against the spoiler, an ironic Tony Gwynn Jr., and saw it all washed away, forced to play a one-game playoff AT Colorado. These Padres took an 8-6 lead into the bottom of the 13^th with the most prolific closer in the history of the game taking the mound, only to see the Colorado Rockies hit in 3 runs almost effortlessly and steal their playoff spot on the DAY AFTER the last day of the season. They blew it.

But arising from the ashes of these awful outcomes and choke-jobs, were teams of PROMISE. Two very young franchises and two of the oldest team names in baseball history, all fighting for some VERY rarely seen playoff glory. My own wonderful Philadelphia Phillies, winning the last 8 straight games against their fierce rival, the New York Mets, and fighting tooth and nail to secure their first divisional championship in 14 years on the very last pitch of the season, were to face these wonderkids from the Rocky mountains. A team that was 6 games out of first place in the NL west on September 17^th, fourth place in both the division AND wildcard race, and one loss away from elimination for the last four games of the season. Philadelphia was ALIVE with Phillies fever, finally feeling the happiness of postseason hopes, dreams, and excitement. It was set up to be a pretty good playoff series. It wasn’t. The Rockies promptly swept the all-of-a-sudden lifeless, jaded Phillies out of the playoffs as quickly as they entered. An identical turn of events happened in Chicago, where the city who has been dying to see their beloved, historical, diehard, 2007 divisional champs finally take them back to the World Series, was embarrassingly upended by the team with the greatest record in the NL regular season: the Arizona Diamondbacks. The Cubs were promptly swept out of the playoffs before Bill Murray’s last hair hit the ground.

And so it was. The single worst NLCS in baseball history. Two teams that had a collective 25 years under their skinny franchise belt, including one team that had only been to the postseason ONE time ever, were set to square off and see which team would be the (gulp) national league representative in the World Series. Well, as the great Pappy O’Daniels put it, there ain’t no competition there. The wild-card “wtf” surprise of the season team beat the best record in the NL team by promptly sweeping them out of the NLCS in four games. Just like THAT, the Diamondbacks were a team you forgot ever made the playoffs, the Colorado Rockies were going to their first World Series ever, and had the most amount of time to wait and prepare for game 1 POSSIBLE. Whadya think happened? That’s right, you bold and devoted sports fans. The Colorado Rockies, the team that had overcome seemingly an exhaustive series of odds, won 14 out of their last 15 regular season games and 10 straight through the playoffs……were promptly swept out of the World Series in four games.

And that’s the ultimate story of the National League this year folks. One amazing series of heartbreak and underperformance after another. I can’t imagine there’s ever been anything like it. Teams like the Mets and Dodgers and Padres and Brewers completely ruining their chances at success before the playoffs can even begin. THEN, FOUR STRAIGHT series in which the losing team was very shamefully swept and left wallowing in their own crapulence after having extraordinarily high hopes for glory. It was a pitiful state of affairs and I hope I never see it again. The only happy National League player in baseball today is a man named Barry Bonds. A man with no team. A man who doesn’t need anything else except to add to his own personal glory. But no NL team will take him now. He’s too old. His tits are too big. I suppose he’ll want to head on over to the American League. It’s more exciting over there anyway.

Halloweenie a.k.a Dick or Treat

2007-10-26T08:38:00.000-07:00

Best Halloween costume ever.

While we're on the topic of Halloween, what should old Scotty be for Halloween? What are some of the best Halloween costumes you've ever seen? Most overused ideas? Don't all comment at once...

Sorry Sox haters...

2007-10-25T12:58:00.000-07:00

... but I'm about to let loose with a big fat glob of Red Sox love. So close your eyes and pull your hair outta your face cuz here it comes.

I'm in the middle of a life-altering dilemma. What Sox jersey should I buy? I've been rolling it around on my mind-grapes for a few weeks now. I currently own a Papi jersey, but a part of me feels like I'm due for a second one. After much deliberation it came down to two major candidates: Papelbon and Ellsbury. Papelbon, with his electrifying movement on both his fastball and his dancing shoes, has captured my respect and my sense of humor. His celebration antics will go down in Red Sox lore. He's had multiple years of shut-down success as a closer and is as close as you'll get to a sure-thing-jersey-purchase right now.... seems like an easy pick. But there's that little voice in my head whispering, "Don't forget about Ellsbury, Ellsbury, Ellsbury, Ellsbury.... ellllllssburrrrryyy." I've got a nagging suspicion that he's gonna be something special. Once in a lifetime, maybe. I came across this article today which just sorta seems to confirm my suspicions. The quoted Red Sox fan is a great fellow I used to do some business with at my last job. He volunteers in Autograph Alley at Fenway from time to time and as a result has become personal friends with David Ortiz. After his appearance in this article, he got in touch with Ellsbury's family and has since become close acquaintances with the Ellsbury clan. The article highlights Ellsbury's best qualities - determination, natural skill, eagerness to learn, style and modesty.On a a very related note, the Sox pounded the Rockies like the bunch of twinks that they are last night. Doug and I noted while watching the game together, that the team is comprised of non-descript white guys and a few peripheral, equally non-descript ethnics (I take responsibility for any hints of racism in that statement). Fer Chrissakes, I can't even tell the difference between Holliday and Hawpe and I had Hawpe on my fantasy team all year. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2007 Colorado Rockies!!!

Okay so I left out Torrealba, Taveraz and a few others... and Matsui is pretty asian... but still... you see my point.

I was also reminded today what a bunch of religious losers they are too. They credited God for their amazing streak over the past few weeks. Does that make the Sox the Anti-Christ (Anti-Christians? What's the plural of Anti-Christ?) for breaking your streak??? Are you really that self-absorbed?? Do you think God cares about you playing A GAME when there's starving children, war and genocide in the world??? I'm not a theologist, but I'm pretty certain God is not a baseball fanatic. He most likely does not have a Matt Holliday poster on the wall of his bedroom. I'm not one of those people who gets in a tiff when an athlete thanks God for their abilities or points to the heavens after a jumpshot or a homerun, but they do everything short of calling themselves tools of God. Oh, you're tools alright. Take your NLCS trophy, pawn it, and use the money to buy some distinctive features guys... maybe if you're lucky, you'll be able to afford a little character too (BTW - no hate to Tulowitzki - he's a pimp... still white and non-descript, but a pimp).

The best quote of the day came from their pitching coach in an ESPN article by Jayson Stark (a Yankees fan who picked the Rocks in 6... really dude?? Really???): "“[They’re] big hairy-chested guys, one after another, who work the count and pounce on your mistakes.” I guess it's kinda hard to win a ballgame when you're busy admiring the other team's chest hair...

James Lipton is a Pimp...Seriously.

2007-10-24T16:25:00.000-07:00

James Lipton, the much imitated, never equaled host of Inside the Actor's Studio has just released a book. Normally I wouldn't care, but as it turns out this man was once a big ol' salty pimp. According to his memoirs as a poor young man living in France he resorted to pimping out his friend in order to make ends meet. In his own words:

"We were earning our living together, this young woman and I, we made a rather good living, I must say."

**Doug rises slowly from his seat to give a standing ovation**
I honestly couldn't be happier with this news. While we all knew he is a figurative pimp, we had no idea he was literally as well. I pray that Will Ferrell makes a guest performance on SNL this year so that he can reprise his role armed with this new information.

Juno

2007-10-24T07:15:00.000-07:00

No, its not the email browser I used into my early 20's. This Juno is a movie, and you need to know about it right now.

First thing of note, it stars Arrested Development alums Jason Bateman and Michael Cera (who don't actually share a scene together in the film) also stars Jennifer Garner, Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute from "The Office"), Ellen Page (Kitty Pryde from X-Men 3) as the titular star and J.K. Simmons (J.Jonah Jameson from the SpiderMan Movies.)

If you told me that those actors were starring in a whimsical black comedy I'd be sold right there. If you were feeling extra descriptive and further told me that the movie would be tearing up the indie film circuit, garnering rave reviews and building buzz as this years "Little Miss Sunshine." I'd say it would be the most anticipated movie of the holiday season for me....then if you said it had grunge soundtrack that is earning comparisons to Wes Anderson films and "Garden State" in terms of usage in the film and overall hipness.....i'd immediately post a blog to inform my inner most circle. BEHOLD: FOX SEARCHLIGHT PRESENTS A MOVIE ABOUT LIFE...AND THE BUMPS ALONG THE WAY

(The line about the "stink eye" is just hilarious)

Its okay to like BSB

2007-10-23T06:31:00.001-07:00

Having just watched this video, I have now deemed it okay to like the Backstreet Boys. The beats and soothing harmonies took over this birds animalistic instincts. Look how he moves to the beat. This proves to me that we as living beings are innately prone to liking the Backstreet Boys. Stop denying it. You have shamefully tapped your toe to many a BSB tune. Well you can now remove that shame. Rejoice in all that is Backstreet.

Rookie Power

2007-10-21T22:40:00.000-07:00

At the risk of alienating some of our readers (and writers...Tad) by producing a 57th consecutive Red Sox post, I simply can't miss this opportunity. We're goin' to the World Series! Yee-haw! Cowboy up! And for those of you who've been watching, you probably noticed a brand new (well, new to the post-season at least) center fielder for these last two games. So, without further ado, I present:

Jacoby Ellsbury as Warpath. He's young, he's fast, he's energetic, strong and agile. He's got thick eyebrows, and his head cocked slightly to the left. The weight of the world sometimes rests on his shoulders, but he rises to the challenge. Oh yeah, and he's Native American. Nice.

Bring on the Rockies

2007-10-21T22:12:00.001-07:00

Wow- I gotta say I really love watching this team. They definitely brought me through some ups and downs this series. There's no one on this team that I dislike. Previously, I had qualms with Drew's under-performance, but as I said to Alex in a text immediately after he bombed that 3-1 pitch to straight-away center; "...then you go and do something like that... and TOTALLY redeem yourself!!"

I've got a lot more to say about this year and this team. Throughout the course of the season, I lived in enemy territory in New York (watching all the games on my laptop on MLBTV) and I moved back to Boston just in time for the playoffs, so it's been a great ride for me and I have a lot more to say. I just wanted to get a quick celebratory post up and I'll wax philosophical later on....

(POSTING INTERRUPTED BY A CALL FROM A DRUNK POPKIN)

This is one thing that made it a little bittersweet. I do like the Indians. I do believe that Francona and Theo were not exaggerating for the sake of politeness when they were talking about what a great franchise and organization they are. It's sad to see them go and I hope they get another shot sometime soon - not at the expense of the Sox. Also, Victor is a salty pimp. Seeing him cry would have put a lump in my throat if it wasn't for the champagne I was guzzling. The Indians didn't lose because of any little plays (see Kenny Lofton's two baserunning controversies), they lost because their big players didn't come up big when it mattered (see Sabathia, Carmona, Pronk, Sizemore). Victor is the one exception. He deserved better.

That being said - this is sweet. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go riverdance to bed. I gotta work tomorrow... sheeeiiitt.

PS: That kid gives the best celebrations

Cojones. Huevos. Balls. Beckett.

2007-10-19T08:23:00.000-07:00

I'm an idiot

2007-10-17T10:07:00.002-07:00

Thanks Red Sox... thanks for proving me wrong. Granted there were some factual inaccuracies in my last post about the Sox (Dusty and Dicey aren't the only ones struggling- Drew's hitting .230, Lugo's hitting .208 and Varitek and Coco are hitting .192 in the post season), and we still have a legitimate chance to win (Beckett took his World Series Champ Marlins team from 3-1 to a series win) and I'm not going to give up and stop watching... I have a different feeling about the series now:

Full recovery!!

2007-10-16T14:26:00.000-07:00

All of the members of THMP were in attendance for Doug's birthday this weekend (it was actually on Monday) and it was a grand old time. At one point we (except for Matty) did a tivo-aided viewing of this week's SNL, skipping through all of the poop (most of the material). This was the only funny part (other than the Dane Cook impression), but I assure you we all laughed 'til we cried (no one really cried... we're all men).

Thanks to Ro for the link.

How I know I'm still a kid at heart

2007-10-16T14:19:00.001-07:00

Despite the new job and the fact that I'm going to be moving into a house soon and some of my biggest day to day struggles now involve rush hour traffic, what to eat for dinner and where to get my dry cleaning done, I can breathe a sigh of relief and know that I still have a youthful perspective on things. How do I know this? Because I have Andre Johnson on my fantasy football team. Andre has been injured for the past four weeks or so and every time they release an injury update for him, the report comes from Megan Manfull of the Houston Chronicle. Megan Manfull. I laugh every time. You can call me immature- I say I'm youthful. Tomato, toe-mah-toe.

I ain't mad atcha

2007-10-16T07:23:00.001-07:00

Red Sox lose to the Indians 4-2, giving the Injuns a 2-1 lead in the ALCS. I'm really just not that upset.... I swear. I'm not sure why exactly, but if you think about it, we're only down one game. While these past two games have been brutal on the psyche, we win one game and it's tied back up. Wake's a big game pitcher who HAS been struggling as of late... but I feel good. I'd love to put Beckett back on the bump on three days of rest, especially given his track record in this situation. But, I trust Wakefield (for now) and it's not worth it to fack up the rest of the rotation. Also- it's easier to accept losses to a really solid team like the Tribe. They're just good.

We're definitely still in this. The only people on the team who have been consistently bad are Dice-K (rookie), Pedroia (rookie and THE man) and Gagne (fat and Canadian). Everyone else has been up there playing with a lot of heart- pitching quality innings, squeaking out fantastic AB's and playing like they care.

Also- sorry about the lack of posts. Personally, a move to Boston and a change of jobs has added some welcome turmoil to my life, which should soon settle down. I can't speak for the other guys though....

This just in...Asians are smart

2007-10-03T11:00:00.000-07:00

I just came across this video of a South Korean soccer game. These effects were created by wearing jackets with one color on the front, one on the back and a third when the jacket is opened. These guys have way too much time on their hands, but its damn impressive. Here is another one a little closer up.

The Red-Men

2007-10-03T09:17:00.000-07:00

PART TWO - THE PITCHERS

(for an explanation of what the shit is going on, check out yesterday's "X-Sox" post)

1. Josh Beckett as Wolverine. The best there is at what he does. A fierce competitor with incredible power and a knack for the berserker rage. Not exactly a born leader, he is thrust into the role by being so damn awesome and earning everyone's respect.

2. Dice K as Gambit. The man of mystery. Much has been made of his past, though the details are often cloudy, at best. He puts a magic charge into the objects he throws - be it kinetic energy or gyroball. And he's got a call accent.

3. Curt Schilling as Cyclops. Not afraid to speak his mind, even when no one wants to hear it. He may not be the most popular among his teammates, but he's earned his place in history on performance, grit and sacrifice. The main difference here is that Schil has two eyes.

4. Tim Wakefield as Banshee. Doesn't say much, but he's been around forever and just keeps putting up solid numbers. Would would've thought Wakey'd have 17 wins this year? Never underestimate the power of a goateed Irish superhero with a great knuckleball.

5. Jon Lester as Morph. One can transform his body into any shape imaginable, the other transformed his body from cancer-ridden to cancer-lacking. Howabout them apples?

6. Julian Tavarez as Wildchild. I just couldn't resist using this picture. You can't contain this guy, you can only hope that when he explodes into a fit of rage he directs it at the other guys, and not his own team. Also, you might need to pay the clubhouse guys a little extra to deal with the drool.

7. Mike Timlin as Havok. Behold the intensity in his eyes. This guy's got nothing to lose, so he puts it all on the line every night. Timlin's always been the guy to grab the ball even when his arm was falling off, and Havok is the guy whose power basically makes his body explode every time he uses it. Keep a safe distance.

8. Javier Lopez as Multiple Man. How can you tell which Javier Lopez is on our team? The retired catcher whose power had nothing to do with performance enhancing drugs, or the relief pitcher that appeared out of thin air (get it, Colorado? thin air)? And how can you tell which is the real Multiple Man and which are the clones? You can't.

9. Manny Delcarmen as Sunspot. Local Latino flame-throwing hero. He's become as important a part of this bullpen as anyone, much like Sunspot solidified his role in X-Force when he stopped being so afraid of using his powers. The power of the change-up, that is.

10. Hideki Okajima as Shatterstar. Where the heck did this guy come from? Who cares, he's awesome. Also, it was rumored that Shatterstar was the long lost son of Longshot. If you go back and read the position players blog, you'll notice that I had Dustin Pedroia as Longshot. The thought of Okey-Dokey being Dustin's long lost son is too good to pass up on.

11. Eric Gagne as Age of Apocalypse Sabretooth. What, this guy's on our side now? That's gonna take some getting used to. Especially when he's suddenly not nearly as overpowering and badass as he was before. Still, I'd rather have this guy on our team than the other team.

12. Jonathan Papelbon as Cannonball. The young Southern hot-shot quickly rises up the ranks of the minors (New Mutants, X-Force, Pawtucket...) and tears onto the big stage in a huge way. Once he's here, there's no going back, and there's no moving into the rotation. He's our closer, and he's got the force behind him to blast the enemy into submission.

13. Terry Francona as Professor X. I mean, duh.

The X-Sox

2007-10-02T20:24:00.001-07:00

Alright kids, here it is. My first post. Lots of pressure. Hopefully it will not disappoint. In the spirit of The Honest Male Perspective, I have combined two of our favorite things that don't involve alcohol or women. Or music. Yes, I have fused sports with comics. Even better, I have taken the Red Sox and X-Men and made them one. So, fasten your seat belts, and get ready to meet the X-Sox. Or Red Men? Either way, they've got the ability to take on the Yankees or Brotherhood of Evil Mutants - or both. Play ball.

PART ONE - THE STARTING NINE

1. Dustin Pedroia as Longshot. You don't know why he's good, he just is. On the left we have a scrappy little guy who doesn't hit home runs, take many walks, or steal bases. But he's just...awesome. On the right we have a superhero who's power is...really good luck? And a twinkle in his eye. Ladies and gentlemen, your starting second baseman.

2. Kevin Youkilis as Beast. The surprisingly agile first baseman and the surprisingly agile big blue-furred scientist. One used to be a backup 3rd baseman, the other used to be....a human. If only Hank McCoy was Jewish...

3. David Ortiz as Bishop. Aside from the obvious similarity of complexion, these are two of the most bad-ass members of their respective teams. Papi takes the momentum of a fastball and reverses its course straight out of the park, while Bishop absorbs energy and then projects it out of his body in the form of concussive blasts. Word.

4. Manny Ramirez as Colossus. Misunderstood and feared by the world at large, the X-men must use their powers to save the human race time and time again. Misunderstood by the media and feared by pitchers across the American League, Manny Ramirez must continue to hit home runs and navigate the monster as only he can. Colossus grew up speaking Russian, Manny grew up speaking spanish, but they both have the raw power to slug with the best of 'em.

5. Mike Lowell as Forge. I admit, this one is mostly because of the goatee. To rationalize it further, I'd say both are "defensive wizards" and ended up playing a much larger role on their team than originally anticipated. But yeah, the facial hair was the main reason.

6. J.D. Drew as Angel. Good looking, theoretically an "important" character, but for some reason lacking in power and seems to get hurt a lot. But if that last month is any indication, maybe they both step up to the plate when it really matters? I'll keep my fingers crossed...

7. Jason Varitek as Cable. All business. This is the guy you want leading your team into battle. He's got the hardest job of all but you'll never see him complaining or faking injuries. He's not afraid to get in the face of the opposition, and even as his skills diminish he's still one of the most important members of the team. Plus he can time travel.

8. Coco Crisp as Nightcrawler. Teleportation really is the most logical explanation for some of Coco's catches this year. There's just no way he could be that agile without some sort of mutant power. The on base percentage definitely isn't what we were hoping, but when you spend so much time traveling through space, it's hard to be "on base" very often.

9. Julio Lugo as Iceman.

Well, his bat's certainly been ice cold all year.
(Ouch)

Coming tomorrow - PART TWO - THE PITCHERS.

A lot of guys might not have reversed that

2007-10-02T08:34:00.000-07:00

I have a very love-hate relationship with these Coors Light ads. Overall I think it's a funny idea but some of them are poorly executed. The good ones have you rolling while the bad ones tend to ruin your football viewing experience because they get played over... and over... and over on Sundays. There is a really funny Bill Walsh spot, and one with Mike Ditka that's done well... and of course the infamous Jim Mora "PLAYOFFS??". However, I think this one with Vermeil is the most well-rounded one in the bunch. Right down to the onion dip and mock turtleneck jokes.

AWW Hell naw!! Dis the best pumpkin!

2007-10-01T13:59:00.001-07:00

I wrote before about how amusing Kanye's self-deprecating humor can be sometimes. I didn't catch SNL this week, but apparently his guest-appearance in a skit about his outburst behind the scenes at the Emmy's has turned the world on it's ear... well maybe not, but it made a few people chuckle, which is more than you can say about most SNL skits these days. I actually just wanted to use the phrase "turn the world on it's ear." I like that saying.

Every 14 years or so, yes, it is in fact sunny in Philadelphia.

2007-09-30T19:07:00.001-07:00

and from the "hindsight is 20/20 department...."

Fox struck gold.... black gold

2007-09-29T12:59:00.000-07:00

So I'm settling down to watch a nice little afternoon ballgame of the Phightin' Phils and the Nappy Nats (What can I say? This NL East baseball's got me hooked) on Fox Saturday baseball and I tuned in just in time to see the starting lineups announced. Fox selected individual players from each team to read the lineups.

Well good ol' Dmitri Young got picked to read the Nationals lineup and it was pure comedic gold. First of all Dmitri looked like he had just rolled out of a cardboard box. I've seen bums on the streets of New York city that look more put together than he did. Dmitri was stuttering and bumbling all over the place. He proceeded to read the lineup card and comment on each individual player as he went along. He called Wily Mo, Gorrilla Mo Pena. He commented on Ronnie Belliard's braids. He even even mentioned Ryan Zimmerman's good looks.

The best part came when he announced Austine Kearns. "Batting fifth - WHITE POWER... umm Austin Kearns." Lastly, he evoked memories of his Dugout (RIP WordUpThome) character when he alluded to his string of legal problems and said that if he ever got in trouble again he would hire the Nat's catcher Brian Schneider as his lawyer. Ummm how about someone that's passed the bar exam Dmitri?? Not someone who knows what pitch to call i a 3-2 count.

Maybe I'm not properly conveying the level of sloppiness that was on display, but I assure you it was glorious. If you saw it, you know what I'm talkin' about. It almost made up for the fact that I had to listen to Tim McCarver for the rest of the game.

You're a Tweakah!!

2007-09-29T12:47:00.000-07:00

Just came across this image. It is not animated at all. You are just tweakin. Cool, huh?

No Chad, you rock! When you gonna drop magnum on us buddy?

2007-09-28T08:49:00.000-07:00

Thanks Chad! I wrote about Chad Johnson and how he's not your typical wide receiver diva a while back in the Dishonest. Unfortunately I coincidentally slandered a certain un-named WR that is now a member of the Pats (Sorry Randy! I'll make it up to you, I swear!). Over a year ago, Chad steps in and proves me right yet again, weighing in with some rational thoughts and a complete lack of sour grapes about Camera-gate. Refreshing.

Listen to your friend Ocho Cinco, he's a cool dude.

P.S. - last Boston sports entry for a while from me... I swear. We got ripped on a bit for that by my buddy Scrozie.

Mike Lowell is so bossanova

2007-09-28T08:23:00.001-07:00

I hate Bob Ryan and his irritable, red-faced, slurred speech, alcoholic demeanor. However, I love this article on Mikey doubles. You gotta love the hard-nose workman-like 3 baggers that the Sox always seem to get (see: Bill Mueller who was voted the most beloved Third baseman in Sox history, Youk, Tim Naehring, John Valentin). Lowell Connectahhh was the only one on the team who had a consistent year. Even Dusty had a slumpy first couple of months.

Plus, as Alex and his twin sister have pointed out, he's got those smooth movie star good looks to boot... no homo. Shhh, what contract situation???

Smell that? October Baseball is Coming

2007-09-28T08:20:00.000-07:00

It should be well-known by now that the men of THMP have been devout followers of america's pastime ....and despite the fairly anti-climactic occurances over in the American League....the N.L. Playoff push is a high-flyin' sommersultin' cluster of F---k...and I couldnt' be happier. ESPN.com's Jayson Stark posted all "NL Playoff Scenarios" which as of today could have as many as FIVE N.L. teams tied with the same record! Absurd. Stark went on to explain the ramifications of this not-so--far-fetched outcome: four days of tie-breaker games BEFORE the Division Playoffs even begin!

The marquee playoff race at the moment is without question the furious rise of the Fightin' Phillies and the fantastical fall of the New York Metropolitans, who had owned a 7-Game lead as recent as September 12th. The NL East race proves all that is right in the game of baseball. Improbable comebacks, improbable collapses, passionate fanbases, crazed scoreboard monitoring, playoff-like atmospheres and stomach-tightening tension with every single pitch.

Anyway, this Phillies/Mets race has completely got me fired up, and this is coming from a 100% self-absorbed American League baseball fan. The Phillies have gotten me so excited with their they're character and heart. Watching them, I couldn't help but be reminded of the 2003 Red Sox, with their league-best offense, literally no lead was safe. They played that year, the same way this Phillies team plays: with this exhuberence born out of chemistry and a genuine love for being on the field playing the game.

One of my favorite moments of the year involved the Phillies, back in early July when they were on the road in Colorado, a big storm hit and the grounds crew lost control of the tarp which began to flail violently in the wind.....

The clip gives me chills when I see it. And I'm a big believer in karma, and I keep telling resident Philly die-hard Tad "Big Black Sassafras" Moses that this clip shows the character of the team more vividly than anything.

I don't have any awe-inspiring clips for the Mets fans to make them feel better about their squad, but I do have an excerpt from the Mets blog "Faith and Fear in Flushing" that really inspired me in a "William Wallace-we-will-not-go-down-without-a-fight" kinda way:

"I've been at this nonstop for 39 seasons. I have lived — lived — to have my team be in a position to go to the playoffs every single one of those 39 seasons. It is all I ever wanted when it was unavailable to me. It has been unavailable to me almost every one of those 39 seasons by the time those seasons reached this juncture. There have been ten exceptions to the rule. There were the seven seasons when they made it; there was 1985, when they took it to the second-to-last day; there was 1998, when they took it to the last day; and there is 2007, when they are alive on the third-to-last day.

I can't do a blessed thing about 1985 or 1998 anymore. But I can do whatever a lifelong fan can do right here, right now. As my Thursday night companion AlbertsonMets put it in a very perceptive comment on this blog yesterday, I am going to root like hell.

I am going to be at Shea tonight, and I am going to root like hell. I am going to be watching on SNY Saturday, and I am going to root like hell. I am going to be back at Shea on Sunday, and whether there is still something on the line or not — and there may very well not — I am going to root like hell."

So hooray for baseball. Hooray for school.

And on a completely unrelated note, apparently Paul Rudd was in "The Cider House Rules" and it was REALLY wierd to see him in it.

Ballad of a Seasonal Halloween Store

2007-09-26T09:45:00.000-07:00

Today I had to drop my car off to get fixed, my friend and future rommate Trevor graciously woke up early to bring me back to my apartment, on the way back we passed a newly erected seasonal Halloween store.

Trevor immediately perked up and said how much he loves those stores, and I had to smile myself as memories of a young Popkin excitedly approaching the halloween store at the Burlington Mall.

Halloween is without question the greatest non-religious holiday there is. Owning a year-round halloween store is right up there with owning a comic-book store or a baseball card shop as top fantasy jobs that would be awesome to own if there were no economic ramifications like going bankrupt.

But today, as I soaked in the sight of the sloppily painted orange building, I didnt feel any joy. All I could think about was what a harsh business the world of seasonal halloween stores is.

Think about this way...have you ever seen a Halloween Store occupy the same rent space? The one at the Burlington Mall seemed to be in a completely random spot each year! How frustrating must this be for the store proprietor?? Ever September you have to scrounge, nervously wondering where you will end up....then its a scramble to stock your store....and every season, a small part of you is hopeful that this will be the year that they let you stay longer than a month..this could be the year they give me a spot to call me own....but they never do. You're a novelty store.

Then the rush of your customers begins to wear by mid October when you realize that everyone comes in and looks at your pimp array of masks and perfectly packaged costumes, only then to see the $80 price tags and leave with a package of fake blood capsules instead....then next year they realize they can go to Wallgreens and get the same blood-capsules for 2 dollars less AND get their fun-size Snickers in one fell swoop.

And the minute November 1st rolls around you're ENTIRE store is obsolete.

Orange, and obsolete.

Yet another year goes by and you still didnt sell that authentic rubber Batman mask. So what next? Now you have to either sell all your crap at clearence or ship it to a Warehouse in Western Massachusetts.

Then for 3 months you look at this empty orange building that still has a couple "We're Open!" signs left in it, cuz it didnt make any sense to keep them cuz they only cost 10 bucks to print at Kinkos.

Then its back to crossing off the days until September rolls around and you start the vicious cycle all over again.....its a thankless job but I guess somebody's got to do it.

Glitter, glisten, gloss, floss...

2007-09-25T13:27:00.000-07:00

So with the Pats leading the league as both the number one overall offense AND the number one overall defense by yards, there are clearly quite a few statistical marks for Patriot fans to celebrate here in-between weeks 3 and 4. One particularly cool stat pointed out by my Arlingtonian friend Jesse, are Randy Moss' projected stats for the year based on the first 3 games (a stretch, I know, but fun nonetheless) taken from ESPN.com.

Randy "straight cash homey" Moss:

Beautiful. So I decided to take it a step further and check out our other off-season acquisitions.

Wesley "the white reciever" Welker:

These are numbers I will gladly take from a number two wide receiver that we acquired for next-to-nothing. I even expect him realistically to get those TD numbers up.

Sammy "don't call me Zach" Morris:

Again, from a backup RB, these numbers are more than desirable and more than adequate as a replacement for my most beloved sneer-artist, Corey Dillon. Unfortunately, one category he can't even touch Dillon in, is mean-muggin'. Corey was a perennial mean-mug all-star.

Adalius "way too fast to be 270 lbs" Thomas:

No sacks yet, but if the man's gonna defend 21 passes and get 5 picks at LB, while approaching 100 tackles, who really cares. Also, I feel pretty confident that this is one guy whose real numbers will dwarf his projected numbers.

For dumps and giggles, here are Tom's projected numbers too:

53 TD's and 4700+ yards. Juuuuust silly. Stop it. Stop being so silly. If he keeps pace with his passer rating and his completion percentage, he'll be breaking records in those categories as well. Unlikely, but worthy of a wet pair of boxer shorts or two nonetheless.

Seriously Greg Easterbrook - Shut the F*ck up!!!

2007-09-25T12:21:00.000-07:00

Stop it Greg Easterbrook. There's no outrage here. Last week you were giving Goodell a vote of confidence and claiming that he's the only person who has a grasp on how serious the camera scandal was. Now you're questioning the commish on his judgment to clear the case and dispose of the evidence.

Goodell probably just reviewed the information, decided there was no further evidence of cheating and disposed of the documents because he wanted the media vultures like you to LET IT GO and focus on the football being played. If he felt punishment was due, don't you think he would have lined something up? He didn't hesitate to take away a draft from us last time which many would agree is a very harsh punishment.

Seriously, write about something else. We all liked you better when you were writing absurd anti-semitic articles about Kill Bill and making up craptastic, overthought nicknames for NFL Franchises. Go away. Also, stop writing about your "cheerleader of the week". You're a creepy old man. Knock it off. Seriously. No one's laughing with you. Go to Hell. And take Drew Brees with you, he's ruining my fantasy football team.

The Honest Matt Perspective

2007-09-24T18:55:00.000-07:00

Honest Males,

Congratulations on the resurgence of THMP - new and improved. I read, I like - although I'm a bit confused/saddened by Mr. Dudley's absence - what's up with that? His shit was gold. But you know who else's shit is gold? Yes, you do. Mine. So, I'd like to officially make my case for inclusion on The Honest Male Perspective Staff. And I'll give you 100 reasons.

1. I got an A in Mrs. Whittemore's 8th grade English class. Scott was there, he'll attest.
2. THMP has no long-haired writers.
3. I live in New York and this way we can keep in touch better. (Except Tad, who also lives in New York, who I see at least twice a day).
4. My knowledge of music is unparalleled.
5. Somehow, I actually know some shit about sports, too.
6. I could fill Jim's void.
7. Or my presence could convince him to stay.
8. I'm reaching marginal celebrity status.
9. I have dirt on all of you. Or at least Popkin.
10. Another Sox fan on board to make sure there aren't too many Phillies posts.
11. Ditto, but replace Sox and Phils with Pats and Eagles.
12. I can spell "Mientkiewicz."
13. Shit, we're only at 13 and I'm already running out of reasons.
14. I don't drink coffee, but instead get my caffeine from Jolt energy mints.
15. Other times, Jolt energy gum. That's fairly interesting and unique.
16. I have a solid grasp on the english language.
17. And, if that's not enough, I volunteer myself for writing the first ever THMP posting in Spanish.
18. I am, in fact, an honest male.
19. "Blog" rhymes with "Bog."
20. I used to be the #1 commenter on THMP.
21. Twenty-one...black jack.
22. I can quote Supertroopers like nobody's business.
23. Ditto all Will Ferrel flicks.
24. I once wrote an entire "Monday List of Awesomeness" as a guest-blogger.
25. Has anybody talked to Sam lately? How's he doing?
26. Like all of you, I have a Gmail account.
27. A blogger from Brooklyn will give you instead street-cred.
28. Brooklyn, that is, not the Bronx. No Yanks fans here.
29. Did I mention the long hair thing?
30. Seriously, my head is starting to hurt and we're not even half-way done.
31. I type efficiently.
32. I have an interesting syntax.
33. My schedule allows for blogtime during the "workweek."
34. Occasionally I have something insightful to say...usually involving batting orders or setlists.
35. Alex needs another Jew on board.
36. Although I no longer feel the burning desire, I would happily write a post about wanting to punch a certain fella in the face. Want to punch him in the face.
37. Thirty-seven!
38. The other day I bought, for the first time in my life, a container of Sunny D. As a kid, it always looked like the most fun orange juice ever. Turns out it's not even orange juice. It's orange-flavored fruit punch. Weird.
39. Remember when I used to not drink? That's endearing, I believe.
40. However, those days are over. And if need be, I'll write an entire blog drunk. I'll do it.
41. Last weekend I played drums with a guy who played sax with Dave Matthews.
42. The weekend before that I played "Two Princes"...and it wasn't a cover.
43. We're almost halfway there, and no one's happier about that than me.
44. I like comic books.
45. And movies.
46. Also real books (I know, weird).
47. I enjoy television shows such as Lost, The Office, Scrubs and Weeds.
48. Did I say the thing about the Red Sox?
49. Pats.
50. Ok, I can't really call myself a Celtics fan in the true sense of the word, but I've been to my fair share of games, and I like following them when they're good. So I'm bored by a shitty sports team - sue me. The point is, Kevin Motherfucking Garnett is on our team now and I'm psyched.
51. Seriously. KG. That's crazy.
52. What else....I like Mexican food. Not sure how that's relevant, but I had it for lunch and dinner today, still thinking about how to incorporate one more meal before the night's over.
53. Alex and I had a bet this year...who would have a better WHIP, Wins and Era - I took Tim Wakefield and I honestly can't ever remember who he picked. Steve Trachsel? I'm sure he owes me money for that.
54. Last year it was home runs - Jason Lane (my pick) vs Trot Nixon. Despite spending almost two months demoted to the minors, Lane still one. I wasn't proud, though.
55. Right now I'm listening to the new Collective Soul record for free streaming on their website. They have a new guitarist, and they actually let him sing lead vocals on a track. His voice sounds just like that guy from The Cure. Weird.
56. Thumbknuckle.
57. The Honest Male Perspective. What's honest would be letting me join.
58. Isn't it interesting that I felt the need to write a list of one hundred reasons, when I probably could've just asked real nice and you guys would've said yes?
59. To take that a step further, I probably could've asked obnoxiously and you still would've agreed, but let's not get too cocky here - I'm not in just yet.
60. Alex - there's this other track on the CSoul record, "Good Morning After All" that starts EXACTLY like that Pete Yorn song "Lose You."
61. Also, it's like they combined "Good Night, Good Guy" with "After All"....and that Wallflowers song with "Mourning/Morning" in the title.
62. I can't say we're in the home stretch yet, but I'm feeling like I might actually make it to a hundred. Obviously, the more bullshit "reasons" like this one the easier it'll be.
63. Seriously, this is probably not the best way to be spending my Monday night, but it's fun.
64. Catch a beat runnin' like Randy Moss.
65. It's always all or nothing....
66. Tad - "Don't judge."
67. I actually have some experience blogging on myspace, so I know the ropes.
68. But, just to clarify, that's technically a "Matt Bogdanow Band" blog, so it's not like we'd run into any infringement issues if I joined THMP.
69. What, a 69 joke? Nope, not from me. Unless it'll get me on board. Then I've got plenty.
70. Is this even remotely interesting for you guys to read? I'd almost bet money that 3/4 of you never read this sentence.
71. I'm coming home for Columbus Day. I recommend Popkin does the same.
72. Scott's got a dog with stumpy legs...the least he can do is give me a blog.
73. Seriously, I don't mean to belabor the point, but how come Jim isn't on this anymore?
74. My brother lives in Nate Pagett's old apartment...isn't that weird?
75. When I started this list I had just finished dinner - now I'm hungry again. That's commitment.
76. And it's not like I have nothing better to do. Did I mention I'm in seven bands?
77. One of those bands is played a show Wednesday with the cello player from Modest Mouse. 78. I once killed a hornet with a roll of double-sided tape.
79. Shakedown nineteen79.
80. Speaking of Smashing Pumpkins, I bumped into James Iha on the street last year.
81. That same night I saw David Schwimmer.
82. Other NYC celebrity sightings have included Tara Reid,
83. Piper Perabo,
84. Demetri Martin,
85. One of the dudes from Rockapella,
86. Ethan Hawke
87. (Like three times),
88. Kevin Bacon,
89. Gene Simmons,
90. Kevin Kline,
91. and Tiki Barber, to name a few.
92. Back to Collective Soul - in high school I once (literally) counted the number of times their singer, Mr. Ed Roland said "yeah" and "well" on each song on their first record. Wish I still had that sheet. Did I mention I've met him a couple times?
93. Nineteen93 was the year Zooropa, my favorite album of all time, came out. Also I went to summer camp (sleepaway, for the first time) and bought Street Fighter 2 for Super Nintendo. All in the span of one month - plus a trip to Israel!
94. I'll admit, I currently enjoy Third Eye Blind as much as the next guy. Probably more, depending on who that guy is. But I still can't stand No Doubt. I heard "Don't Speak" on the radio this summer and felt myself start to vomit from boredom.
95. Honestly, I can't even remember what this is a top-100 list of. Reasons for something...
96. Ah, yes. Reasons I should be the new THMP blogger. If you're not convinced now, I better really up the anti with these last few.
97. I really am the most qualified applicant for the job. Am I the only applicant? That's for you to know and me to find out. But I imagine yes, yes I am.
98. ...when you're living, on the outside.
99. It just makes so much sense. In fact, it's a wonder I'm not offended for not having been asked to join your blog years ago. As a matter of fact...
100. I listed a hundred fucking reasons. That's gotta count for something.

(Whew)

-Matt Blogdanow

If that's what you're into

2007-09-21T08:02:00.000-07:00

So, I decided to compile a list of things that I'm currently digging on. I've always enjoyed those short segments in magazines that ask celebrities what albums they're currently into. I've seen the same thing done with TV shows, books, magazines, movies, etc. The reason I enjoy these is twofold- it gives you a glimpse into the personality of the celebrity ("Hey, Viggo Mortensen likes Outkast! Me too!") and if the celeb has eclectic tastes it also encourages you to try out new things that you might not have been motivated to check out otherwise.

So while I'm not a celebrity, hopefully my tastes are interesting enough that it makes for good reading. If it works out well, I'll make this a regular thing.

Song I'm listening to right now... like right this second: Green Day - Scattered. This is one of those songs that I just don't think I'll ever get sick of, which is a very short list. The lyrics are also feeling really relevant to me right now.

Book I'm reading: I like to mix it up and have two books going at once - one fiction and one non-fiction. This way if I'm not in the mood to be bombarded with facts, I can pick up the fiction and get lost in a tale. Currently I'm working on Made to Stick by Chip and Dale Heath and A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khalid Hosseini. Made to Stick takes an idea revolving around how certain messages become "sticky" from Malcolm Gladwell's Tipping Point and builds a whole book off of it. It's basically a bible on effective communication. It's not nearly as well-written as Gladwell's material and it's not really a page turner, but a good book nonetheless. A Thousand Splendid Suns is the follow-up to Hosseini's smash-hit Kite Runner, which I really enjoyed.

Last DVD I bought: Casino Royale. Not a huge Bond fan, but this movie just reeks of cool and I think it has a lot to do with Daniel Craig, who should be brought back for any subsequent Bond films. It's also nice to see Bond in his early days when he's a little rough around the edges.

Current favorite YouTube clip: Cody Paul. Can't get over this kid. I feel bad for the defenders that he breaks off. Even though I'm THIS close to creating him as a character in Madden, I can't say for sure that he's really gonna live up to the hype. When I played Pop Warner, my team had a nasty short running back like that and I think a lot of his success had to do with his low-center of gravity. I think Cody's gonna have his first growth spurt and just be another white running back- translation, not good.

Website that I check every day even though it updates about twice a month: Perry Bible Fellowship - this comic was in the Syracuse University newspaper and the site has all the old comics and new ones on a semi-regular basis. Very funny. (click to view larger version)
Favorite new-ish album: Spoon - Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga. Better than Kanye, better than The White Stripes, this album is filled with some very catchy rock that has a unique personality. Putting the alternative back in alternative rock.

TV show that I always Tivo, but never watch: Human Weapon. I wrote about this one DHMP a while back. Every time I watch it I enjoy it, but I'm probably backlogged at least 5 weeks.

TV show that I'm most excited for the return of this Fall: 30 Rock. It shocked the world when it won best comedy at the Emmy's, but that's because the world has never seen it. I hope modest ratings don't force this show to go the way of Arrested Development. It masters the blending of satire and slapstick humor the same way The Simpsons did in it's prime. I'm also really excited for Friday Night Lights, which may not last very long either. Heroes needs to do something really cool to get me interested again.

New TV show that I'm most excited for: Nothing. Kid Nation looks groundbreaking and controversial and Pushing up Daisies could be cool, but last season was so flooded with shows that instantly became favorites, this season is bound to be a letdown. Also, I saw the first episode of K-Ville... so far Alex's evaluations are dead on. It was completely unwatchable.

Sport I currently hate: Baseball. Red Sox suck, my fantasy team sucks... ugh. I wish I could just focus on football... but I'll never be able to just forget about the baseball. I think it's coded into my DNA.

Band that I never skip when listening to my iPod on shuffle: Ted Leo and the Pharmacists. Little known band. Epic songs. Boushbag introduced me to them because his dad's friend is the lead singer's dad. Ted Leo is an extremely talented songwriter. Apparently he's been asked to write a number of Broadway musicals, but has declined.

Favorite magazine subscription: Fast Company. Fresh young take on the business world with exciting news on technology, the internet, and cool new products and companies. I usually read it within a day or two of getting it. The company I work for was actually just featured in it too...

Movie I'm most excited to see: The Kingdom. This just looks like a well-made film. It's got the cast, the director (guy from Smokin' Aces), the relevant plot and the budget. Not a sure thing, but a good bet. Eastern Promises and 3:10 to Yuma look slick too.

Favorite day of the week: Friday. It's Friday today. The day is winding to a close and I can't wait to get the weekend started right with happy hour... many hours of happiness. It's gonna be an effin' rad weekend. So on that note, I'm gonna finish up. Have a good weekend y'all.

MMMM MMM MMMMMM For the smell of it.

2007-09-21T06:53:00.000-07:00

So I was looking on TMZ today to keep up on my mindless celebrity news only to find this new product. Here's how the website describes this product, which is named Vulva. "Vulva Original is not a perfume. It is a beguiling vaginal scent which is purely a smelling substance for your own pleasure." Can you imagine if you spilled a bottle of this stuff in your place? Your apartment would literally reek of vagina for weeks. Gross. This is a real product by the way, not a joke. What will the ad wizards come up with next?

Here is a link to the website. For those at work, be warned there is nudity.

Belichick Yourself Before You Wrick Yourself

2007-09-19T11:40:00.000-07:00

Let me paint a picture for you: You're a guy. You're in a bar... nay a tavern. There's a very attractive girl across the room. She's a little vixen. You overhear this saucepot say to her friend, publicly in front of everyone, that she will go home with the next guy who buys her a drink.

She certainly didn't intend for any dudes to hear this, otherwise she might as well have stood up on a bar stool, removed her clothes and held up a sign that said "free snatch." Nonetheless, is it morally reprehensible to use this information to your advantage, sidle up to the hussy, wave at the bartender and order a Flirtini on the rocks with TWO straws??? Keep in mind that you weren't spying on this girl. You didn't read her private diary. There was no subterfuge involved in OBTAINING this beneficial information.

Where am I going with this hypothetical plot line you ask? Well, I just finished up Greg Easterbook's obscenely off-base article on ESPN.com's Page 2. I'm absolutely soaked in outrage sauce and feel the need to vent. That "ish" just pushed me over the edge. It may seem a bit silly, but I liken this barroom scenario to the Bill Belichick "Spygate," "Cameragate," or whatever other silly and uncreative names the bloodthirsty members of the media are calling it these days. Before you get all bent out of shape over the absurdity of this comparison, keep in mind that I realize this is not a bulletproof analogy- there are many flaws, but I simply wanted to use this as a jump-off point... something to grab your attention with.

Belichick wasn't sending spies into the ladies room (the Jets locker room), he wasn't stealing playbooks... and while we're on the topic of stealing, he wasn't even STEALING signals, which is how many people are referring to his indiscretion. Let's define stealing: "wrongful taking of someone else's property without that person's willful consent." Are signals property? Even if they are, they certainly weren't TAKEN. They are out in the open in the middle of the football field for all 75,000+ people in attendance to see. Belichick was simply recording them for later analysis.

Similar to the barroom situation, there was nothing wrong with how Belichick OBTAINED the information- it was his method of RETENTION that was illegal. Most teams have people in the coaches' booth with binoculars watching signals and taking notes. Some take still photographs. Regardless of how they do it, just about every NFL team accomplishes the same goal through different means - and I sincerely doubt he's even the first to use this method. Belichick may be a football genius, but he's certainly not a technological innovator. Steve Jobs, he is not.

How am I so confidant that Bill's not the only one analyzing signs? Because just about every current NFL coach has yet to comment on the issue. All former coaches I've heard have actually defended Belichick alluding to the fact that intercepting and analyzing signals is NOT illegal. Why do you think the Jets are using FOUR coaches to send in game signals (I couldn't find the footage of this, but if you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about)?? Because three of the coaches are sending dummy signals. Intercepting signals is as much a part of the No-Fun-League (not to be confused with the More-Taste-League) as smack-talk, stiff-arms and pre-game huddles.

As a matter fact, even Brian Billick, who doesn't seem to be on the best of terms with Belichick, appeared to stand up for for Billy the week after Mangini demanded the league investigation. He claimed that the Jets were illegally simulating the snap to draw the Ravens offside. Isn't that the definition of a false start? Am I missing something? It seems to me that Mr. Billick is going through the motions of making silly allegations to prove a point to Mangina. You don't rat out a member of the coaching frat. First rule of signal stealing club- you do not talk about signal stealing club. This chicanery is even confirmed by an anonymous NFC assistant coach. "I'm sure he's sending a message to Mangini: 'Everybody knows you were part of that (in New England), and it's not right that you ratted out the team that gave you a chance to get a head job.'" In my head, I imagine the quotee goes on to exclaim "God Mangini, you are such a fat fucking vagina."

After all of that, let me make clear that I'm not defending Belichick - I'm just trying to remove this sense of outrage and scandal from the whole issue. Old Billy Goat Gruff screwed up. He made a mistake, which he has admitted to and accepted the consequences for. He was simply cutting corners to accomplish what every other organization in the NFL does- observe and interpret signals. The use of cameras IS illegal; he broke the rules and he was punished. Maybe in the bar scenario this punishment would be the nasty case of chlamydia you contract from the one-drink-sperm dumpster.

The story should end here. If you break the rules on the field (which is where this whole indiscretion took place) by dishing out a chop block, illegally holding a defender or committing pass interference, a flag is thrown, a penalty is incurred and the game goes on. However, certain members of the media like Suzy Kolber and/or Michelle Tafoya (whichever one was covering the Pats/Chargers game on Sunday night... I get those two worthless hot air balloons confused all the time) - who went on a 20 minute mid-game rant, impeding coverage of the game going on in the background that we all tuned in to watch - have got their pointy manicured talons lodged deep into the story and they just won't let it go.

There was a very interesting story in the most recent issue of GQ (that's Gentleman's Quarterly for all you plebes out there) about the dumbing down and loss of integrity in the media these days, and the effect it's having on society by incorrectly shaping people's opinions and removing individual thought. The article revolves mostly around local news, 24 hour news stations and has national and political issues in mind, but I think the Belichick-gate "scandal" proves the author's point perfectly. The sports media is standing on a soapbox with a megaphone, telling everyone what an outrage this is, when really the only outrage is the goddamn megaphone blaring in our ears.

People are digging too far into this. For an example, look no further than the previously mentioned ludicrous article by Greg Easterbrook. The article brandished a sinister picture of a dark and stormy sky with Belichick standing in the foreground. He calls for the Patriots coach to be fired, banned from the NFL and slaughtered like a pig... okay not slaughtered. Mr. Easterbrook crafts a perfect example of a media member taking a recent news story, turning it into a disaster of epic proportions and slapping his name on the top, simply for a little publicity and recognition. I almost wish I hadn't just linked the article to this blog, but I needed you all to see just how silly it is. He compares Belichick to Michael Vick. Vick killed dogs with his bare hands. The only similarity I can see is the last three letters of their surname. Ick. Sir Gavin Walsh even informed me that Easterbrook defended Vick in a previous article... maybe he just hates puppies.

Were rules broken? Sure. Is it unfortunate? Hell yes. Does it tarnish the Patriots' past victories and put an asterisk next to their records and their SuperBowls? Umm... have you been using lead-based aftershave???? Even if you understand the opposing team's signals, it doesn't guarantee you a victory! When you break down the issue, it gives you a small edge if you interpret the signals correctly. If you screw up, you're gonna get burned badly. It's not like when you play Madden and you watch what play your opponent is picking. This is the NFL - it's a lot more complex than that. You still need to execute.

When it's all said and done, I'm really glad that the team is responding so well and that they have continued to execute. We can all agree that there was no video taping necessary for the Pats to step in and absolutely dismantle the Chargers, the same team that many analysts have been referring to as the most talented in football. I think it was Roosevelt Colvin that pointed out this is not a team you want to wave a red flag in front of. They're a seasoned and motivated team and they really don't need any further incentive to win games. I've also heard Junior Seau and Tedy Bruschi comparing the situation to an attack on a family member. I don't know about you, but I would never fuck with an NFL player's family. Don't tickle a sleeping giant on the balls lest you're willing to deal with the consequences- a giant dick on your head.

"For everything we know, the Patriots didn't do any cheating to assemble their roster, which is easily the best and most versatile they have ever had. The real steal is how Belichick and vice president of player personnel Scott Pioli have brought all these great players together at the same time." So while I'm disappointed that the national media has drawn this out so much, I'll gladly watch this group of super-talented football players feed off of the emotion and convert it into a winning season like Barry Bonds converting steroid cocktails into tape measure homeruns.

Icky Duncan

2007-09-18T13:35:00.000-07:00

Alex thinks he "didn't marinate long enough in the clone sauce" and I think he looks like Matthew Lillard fell out of the retard tree and hit every branch on the way down. Either way, Shelly Duncan is a moron.

If he had been signing an autograph for an 18 year-old fan, or a 30-something memorabilia collector it would have certainly been funny. Did he forget what it's like to be ten years old and have a spirit as fragile as a Seran Wrap condom in a sandy vagina? Did he forget how easy it is to shatter a 10 year-old's hopes and dreams? Maybe he never WAS ten years old. Maybe Alex is right and he was simmering in the clone stew for a bit too long, only to be thrust into the world as a 28 year-old outfielder for the Bronx Bombers.

...Or maybe he's just been listening to "Icky Thump" by the White Stripes on repeat at full volume for too long and has simply lost touch with reality. Both are are very plausible.

Dingle Berry

2007-09-15T15:38:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to follow up to Scott' s post about the Dingle-Berry connection on WVU.

New Indy 4 Title announced

2007-09-10T08:20:00.001-07:00

Maybe its just a coincidence that my last post was dripping9 with the Indiana Jones bukkake.
but this news is too good not to share, Lucas and Spielberg have just announced the title to the next chapter in the Indiana Jones saga:
It sounds awesome, it marries my love for Kingdoms with the skeletal system......albiet slightly cheesy in the "Temple of Doom" type way. In fact that really is my only worry about this movie, will George Lucas rape this franchise and bastardize it the way he did Episode I. (I actually kinda liked Espisode II and III.) In

The most important thing tho, is that it reads like an Indiana Title should, which is as an homage to those old Serial adventure radio shows. This shit is gonna rock.

I wonder if they hang together on the weekends

2007-09-09T20:31:00.000-07:00

Some sterling investigative reporting from my boy Torski- he just posted this on the message board in our fantasy football league:

"I dont know if anyone else watched wvu play marshall but wvu has a DT named Dingle and a DE named Berry"

Fall TV Preview!

2007-09-09T17:47:00.000-07:00

"Choose, but choose wisely, for while the true Grail will bring you life, the false Grail will take it from you." - Grail Knight, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

You remember the diary that Sean Connery kept about the Holy Grail in "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade", the one Indy had to use to unlock all the mysteries beholden to the quest for the cup of christ?? Well EW's Fall TV Preview is the EXACT same thing for me, sans Nazis.

I should be so lucky to have a thick magazine chock full of TV previews that not only informs, but also arms me with the proper guidance needed. In the undiscovered world of Fall TV, the EW Preview serves as the Sacajawea to my Lewis & Clark.

As it is every Fall, there are gems to be unearthed (Heroes, 30 Rock) and garbage to be recycled (The Nine.) Equipped with notepad, and DVR, and my ad-filled Sacajawea i'm here to give you a few friendly blog-ggestions, molded from clay of my cerabellum, glazed with the precognitive sauce and fired in the kiln of common sense at 700 degrees..... Fahrenheit, son

SET YOUR DVR AS SOON AS YOU FINISH READING:
Kid Nation (CBS) Wed, 8PM - Premieres 9/19 - Reality
On a scale of 1-10, this ranks an astonishing 35 on the "Morbid Curiosity" scale. Kids from age 8-15 whose parents have willingly waivered -away any liability from CBS were dumped in an abandoned town in New Mexico and tasked with CREATING A SOCIETY. This has to pique the interests of even the most Non-Liberalminded. Moral qualms be damned ,this is the most fasciniating premise in reality history! What sort of can of worms would we be opening if this was a huge hit?? Good or bad, this is the next big thing that EVERYONE will be talking about. Dont be one of the people who misses it.

MYINTEREST IS PIQUED:
Journeyman (NBC) Monday, 10 PM - premieres 9/24
This show has a couple things going for it: It involves time-travel, it follows "Heroes" at 10PM and it stars Kevin McKidd, was INCREDIBLE as Lucius Vorenus in the HBO series "ROME." Apparently he got noticed and was given top billing on his own high-concept "Quantum Leap" type show. I dont care if its a rip-off of Quantum Leap, that premise was fucking cool and if they can re-make the Bionic Woman, then we've got no problem here. McKidd really was great on Rome, he was a real badass and also reallly funny. I worryabout three things. 1) Not enough people watched "Rome," 2) people maybe turned off by the whole "time travel" thing. 3) The title is pronounced "Journey-MAN" (like SUPER-MAN) which sounds more like a gay superhero who's power is derived from the vocal stylings of Steve Perry. I have good feelings though. This ones worth a look.

Pushing Daisies (ABC) Wednesday 8PM -premiers 10/3
What attracts me to this show is the original-high-concept feel. It feels a little like a Tim Burton-esque world and is being directed by Barry Sonnennfield of "Men In Black" fame. The keyword here is "quirky." I really dig a cartoony feel and the Private Investigator who can bring the dead back to life and back to death detective storyline appeals my inner-most "WHo Framed Roger Rabbit." Especially the fact that its being billed as a drama.

JUST BECAUSE I CAN:
Cavemen (ABC) Tuesday 8PM -premiers 10/2
Remember when "That 70's Show" became a fairly big hit for FOX, so the TV execs thought they should make "That 80's Show" and it was a complete and utter failure?? Well that right there showed what makes good TV...its the characters. Poeple didnt like That 70's show for the fucking shag carpets. The characters were original and funny. Herein lies the big question with Cavemen....if its gonna be more than a 30 minute geico commercial, as its billed.....its gonna because of the originality of the characters and funny-ness.Theres a chance this could be good, but i have a feeling, the whole "fish out of water" thing could get tiresome...."3rd Rock From The Sun" managed to do pretty well.....i'm TIVOing episode one. but the pilot has to hook me. this show has no room for error.

Back to You (FOX) Wednesday 8PM - premiers 9/19
A little Anchorman, a little Frasier a little Patricia Heaton. This show really reeks of "we are desperate to find a new show and break out from the cloud of our old shows." I really dislike the traditional Sitcom format so i'm PRAYING that this show gives us a little bit more than Anchorman, Frasier and Patricia Heaton. Like funny supporting characters? I dont have alot of hope for this show, but thats why DVR has delete button.

S--- ON A STICK:
Big Shots (ABC)
"Four Alpha Males deal with women, golf and jobs"
Sounds like an interesting idea, but from the craptastic previews its basically "Desperate HouseMen." And y'know what, that could have very well been the pitch made to the ABC executive. Attempting to soak up viewers by being slotted after Greys Anatomy, this is a show about guys that is neutered and geared towards woman....
I will not be TIVOing this. No guy will be watching this, because guys aren't like this, I am predicting cancellation.

Dirty Sexy Money (ABC) Wednesday-10PM
Snobby rich family is supposed to be like mix between The Kennedys and the Hiltons. The previews of this show, illustrate the trials and tribulations of the wealthy socialite. I dont know about you but I hate Paris Hilton and the superficial problems of the rich don't interest me--fiction or non-ficiton. I think this show gets cancelled right-quick. And if it doesnt, they can move it to Mondays and use a tagline like...."Looks like Mondays just got a little Dirtier....and Sexier....and theres also Money"

K-Ville (FOX) Monday 9 PM

A few years ago FOX made a show called "Fastlane" which starred Bill Bellamy and Mike Dexter, the bully, from "Cant Hardly Wait" as WhiteCop/BlackCop team straight from the movie "Bad Boys." Apparently FOX thought Anthony Anderson and Cole Hauser (who??) could pull off what Bellamy couldnt. Anthony Anderson confuses the fuck out of me. Sometimes he's charming and kinda funny, and you'll see him in a badass movie like "The Departed" or "Transformers" and be like "Wow. Its Anthony Anderson. Good for him." And then he'll be in something like "Kangaroo Jack" or "Scary Movie 4" and you'll be like "yeah...thats about right...." Either way, he's never really brought much to the table, and I dont know why he keeps getting steady work....I feel like he's trying to be like Bernie Mac, but he's just not as cool or funny. And, in K-Ville, thats pretty much the concept. And Cole Hauser's there too.

The crime is that she isn't doing it with ME

2007-09-07T11:34:00.000-07:00

And so continues the rash of female teachers kertanging with their male students. A few central questions come to mind... What kind of school does a kid have to go to in order to GET one of the hyper-sexual teachers?!? Did the kids hit on the teacher- or vice versa?? I don't think I ever even had any teachers that were attractive enough to have sex with, let alone an attractive one that was willing to get nasty.

I couldn't find links to any of the articles on the past stories (okay so I didn't really look), but a few of the teachers involved in similar scandals have been absolute smoke shows. This recent one is pretty plain jane. Also, if my memory serves me, the other teachers only got busy with ONE kid. This chick decides to just open up shop for 5 different guys?? I think there's a word for her and I think it rhymes with s'more.

I don't mean to downplay the seriousness of the issue, because it was highly irresponsible of her and she should be fired... but I just don't see this being particularly damaging to the kids. At 15, guys are pretty much in control of their "situation". Allow myself to express... myself with a scene from South Park.

NICCCEEEE!

All aboard... or are y'all bored?

2007-09-06T13:49:00.000-07:00

I just read something on SawxBlog about the whisperings that A-Rod may end up a member of the Red Sox at the end of the season. As repulsive as that is, I kind of agree with the author - I'd probably eventually be forced to root for him. I can't believe I just wrote that. It's a major "what if" scenario, but I just feel like my loyalty to the Red Sox will always blindly outweigh any personal opinions I develop about certain players. That's just the kind of fan I am... I still root heavily for the Mariners even though my boyhood idol, Griffey, is no longer on the team. All that being said, I really hope we re-sign Mikey Doubles and give Lugo a second chance before paying 50 billion dollars for a tranny-loving, purple-lipped douche.

At the risk of alienating our non-Boston readers with excessive Red Sox posts, I'll turn this into a little compilation of funny and interesting links to peruse at your leisure (pronounced: leh-zure) and combat boredom like Febreze combats stinky odors.

Seriously- monkeys NEVER cease to amaze me... this time it's a little scary though. A group of monkeys were legitimately sexually harassing women intentionally. They were making lewd gestures and singling out the women of a farming village in Kenya. My jaw dropped when I read this. If this is true, it demonstrates some really eerie recognition and communication skills on the part of the monkeys. What's next? Anti-semitic chimps?

A cool t-shirt retail website Threadless.com opened it's first physical outlet in Chicago. Threadless is unique because it allows the public to submit designs, and then vote on the public submissions to decide which designs get produced. I personally own a sweet dick-in-a-box t-shirt from Threadless. Check it out. Also, we should all come up with something for Popkin to design and submit.

Check out this new condom design. Not that condoms were really that much of a hassle to begin, but Travis Henry really has no excuses now.

This made me chuckle for a few seconds... but this made me laugh so hard I almost busted a man-titty... seriously, I think I cracked a rib. I love Phil Collins.. I love Gorillas. Put them together and you've got a winner in my book. This is way funnier than the commercial for that show about carpooling with Jerry O'Connell.

Lastly, news broke today that both Shaq Diesel, and Jenna Fischer are splitting from their significant others. I personally don't see this as a coincidence and have a little theory, that Shaq is Jenna's real-life Jim. The logistics of their... ummm intimacy... is enough to make my brain hurt, but part of me kinda hopes this is true.

That's all I got! Bonus points for anyone who can pinpoint where the title of this post is from.

My beat is impetuous. My lyrics are impregnable, and I'm just ferocious.

2007-09-05T14:23:00.001-07:00

Cool new video by MURS, coinciding with the 20th anniversary of Mike Tyson's Punchout. You might know MURS from some callabo's he's done with some big-time artists. He's mostly an underground guy. As a matter of fact, his name stands for Making Underground Raw Sh*t.

Anyways, this video is awesome for three reasons. It's wildly creative, it's nostalgic (who else got choked up when his Nintendo froze and he had to blow into the game cartridge) and it's a very accurate recreation of the original video game, right down to the fake character names and the frame by frame reproduction of the jogging scene.

Mostly, I just love the fact that it reminds me of the game. Man, I love Mike Tyson's Punchout. Hours of fun. I might even have to finagle a post about that game sometime in the not-to-distant future. Isn't it a little futzed up that we played a game with Mike Tyson in it as kids??? That guy is a goddamn crazy motherf*cker.

Papel-erection

2007-09-05T11:24:00.000-07:00

Like Popnuts, I also am excited about the recent Red Sox surge. While it should be just business as usual for a team with the best record in the majors, it's not. It's big wins in an important situation for a team that's been a bit capricious in the second half of the season.

One uber-constant force has been a man named Jonathan. He's been dominant beyond words and a freakin' joy to watch. Sometimes I just tune in for the ninth inning so I can watch him give birth to two K's and a weak pop-up to the second baseman. His K/Inning ratio is nastier than an open-faced peanut butter and snot sandwich. To top it all off, he just added a new pitch called a "slutter."

Another reason I love young Paps is the imaginary personality that he's imbued with sometimes. One of my all-time favorite websites The Dugout depicts him as a simple-minded, playful and excitable tot that can flat out throw gas. He gets similar treatment in a posting I found today on a blog devoted to Jon and his fellow red stockings -Papelblog - in which they recreate imaginary convos between Tito and Paps. Coincidentally (I think not), their blog shares the name with a posting from my old blog in July of last year. Here's a gem from the post:

"Pap: Tito, my man! It's Sox/Yankees, man! This is the stuff that gets your blood boilin' and your heart poundin' and you just wanna, you know, it just makes you wanna--
Pap: [starts spontaneously fist-pumping]
Tito: Sit down.
Pap: C'mon!
Tito: You pitched yesterday, you pitched two days ago. You know the rules. We talked about this. Besides, it's freakin' April.
Pap: ... C'mon.
Pap: [makes world's saddest little fist pump]"

I was LOL-ing my berries off when I read this. I even like the southern cool that Cinco-Ocho exudes in the real quote that inspired the blog entry: "Jonathan Papelbon: Uh, a lot of begging by me, I tell you what."

I was also pleasantly surprised to see that that the scribes for this blog are two chicas from Boston. I love to see females put the "fanatic" back in "fan" - taking the devotion to the level of a near-daily blog. They definitely roll deep in the sense of humor department. I bet they'd be fun ladies to hang out with... what's a little Red Sox blogging amongst pimps?

Jacoby "The Jet" Ellsbury

2007-09-05T08:18:00.000-07:00

Last nights electrifying Sox win made their 4th in a row since dropping 4 straight.
The most exciting part is the integration of the sox "yutes" (youths) as major energy . Yesterday's victory showcased the talents of would-be future centerfielder Jacoby Ellsbury aka The Nasty Navajo. Since his early July call-up, Ellsbury's major league talents have been ready to pop like a samoan fetus in the late 3rd-trimester.

He plays like he's been there before. He gives any pitcher an assache when he's on base. And he supposedly going to be an even better defensive glove than current CF Covelli Crisp.
Throw in Ellsbury's natural leadoff-hitting ability, the front-office prediliction towards handing starting jobs to players they feel are ready, coco's very attractive contract.....all signs point to a starting gig in 2008.

I've also recently noticed some similarties between Ellsbury and mythical baseball legend Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez from The Sandlot.

Pretty shocking huh? Right down to the "intense baseball focus"....if "Nasty Navajo" doesnt catch on....we HAVE to start calling him Jacoby "The Jet" Ellsbury. Plain fits. Ellsbury's phyical similarity HAS to bode well for his major league career.
So then an interesting thing happened as i started Google Image Searchin' Benny "the Jet" Rodrigquez....i stumbled on some glamour/modeling shots of a young Jet....and i'll be damned if he didnt look EXACTLY like a young Laren Renee Olson circa 1997.

Now I started getting excited with the possibilites. It was only 2Am, and I was seriously amusing myself. I decided to take this as far down the rabbit hole as I could. So Laren, has been often compared looks-wise to actor Jeff Goldblum amongst me and my friends. I decided to see how this one played out....Laren circa 2007:

GET THAT MAN A DNA TEST POST-HASTE. Just uncanny.
Further google searching led me to photos of a much older, refined Jeff Goldblum. I was wondering what he had been up to, completely forgetting his role in "The Life Aquatic" and shortlived TV series "Raines" anyway....this new more-wrinkled, more distinguished Golblum bore MORE than striking resemblance to someone else familiar from my childhood....so I put my photoshop skills to the test to test my hypothesis.

I want my MTV

2007-09-04T13:49:00.001-07:00

I was f*cking around with my iPod this morning in a fit of boredom and inability to to sleep and was skimming through the music videos that I've acquired through iTunes album purchases. They all sucked. There's no effort put into music videos these days. They seem to be a blur of lipsyncing and vanity, consisting of numerous closeups of the best looking member of the band.

Then I got to the last one on my list: Velvet Revolver - She Builds Quick Machines. There's hope after all. First off, I applaud this video because they actually created a relatively detailed plot to tie into the song... and it ties in well! Thinking back, all of my favorite videos - perfect examples being Everlong by the Foo Fighters and even Thriller by MJ - do this and I feel like it's rare in this day and age. Call me crazy, but I'd venture as far as to say that I'd watch a feature length film extension of the Velvet Revolver video. It'd be quirky as hell and trippier than a movie about Hunter S. Thompson, but probably entertaining.

The production value is high, the cinematography is interesting and the characters are cool. I don't quite understand the David Bowie appearance and I really doubt he could knock anyone out with one punch, but Scott Weiland really actually makes for a convincing badass Clint Eastwood-y cowboy when he takes some time off from bootin' black tar heroin (he even kind of reminds me of James Anderson, the main character of the smash hit Lucas Arts western shoot 'em up computer game, Outlaws, with that chinstrap beard). To top it all off, Slash follows the rest of the gang around in his usual garb, playing some kickass guitar riffs, smoking a butt and occasionally stepping in to piledrive a henchman or two.

Kudos to Velvet Revolver- the new album Libertad (sorry Moses) may not be quite as infectious as the self-titled effort, but they managed to make a kickass video.

Alex's favorite strong safety was cut this week

2007-09-04T12:34:00.000-07:00

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/players/profile?statsId=5518

I wonder if he lights up the opposing running backs like menorahs, or if he's especially stingy with those passing yards... I'll stop before I get too offensive.

"Only two things scare me and one of them is nuclear war."

2007-09-03T18:29:00.000-07:00

They are as mysterious as they are beautiful.

The world of the carny.

I've only won two carnival games in my entire 24 years on planet earth. And only one was legitimate.

I was about 9, and it was a "Flipper The Dolphin" themed booth where the goal is take a small mallet and launch rubber dolphins toward a group of lily-pads arranged in circle that slowly rotated that sat in a pool about 7 or 8 feet away. (I've also seen variations of this booth where you launch rubber frogs)

For a brief moment that mallet was an extension of young Alex Popkin's chubby arm.

It was a proud moment of boyish disbelief when i saw flipper land on that lilypad.

I won a sweet stuffed Shamu whale, nay, EARNED a sweet stuffed shamu whale. I didnt know at the time, but that'd be the last time i'd ever legitimiately win a carnival game. One time I was 10 points away from getting 300 in skee ball ---in a carny variation that allowed only 8 BALLS. just an utterly impossible feat to attain because there is NO margin for error. anyway, upon seeing the 290 the Carny at the booth, sensing an opportunity to draw in more traffic to her nigh-unbeatable booth---grabbed a speaker and megaphone from some secret carny nook inside the booth and proclaimed me a winner (clearly 10 points shy) I picked out a faux-supersoaker watter cannon that came with a bigass backpack for optimum ammunation. I recall it being "heavy as fuck."

The point of all this? check out this link which details all the tricks to beating carnies at their own sick games.

Today the days of not being able to underhand toss a softball into wooden barrell or climb the wobbly rope ladder to ring the bell are OVER. we will no longer be the victims.

today is the day we take back the carnival. booth by booth. theme park by theme park.

Tardier than Life Goes On

2007-09-01T08:48:00.000-07:00

So it was only about a week ago when I sent a rallying cry e-mail to Doug, Tad and Alex (and an absentee Dudley to be named later) exclaiming in all capital letters what a timely and excellent idea it would be to finally combine our bloggy efforts into a new blog so that we can inspire each other to create entertaining, groundbreaking and educational entries. Creating a new blog would also give birth to a new found enthusiasm which in turn we could hopefully make a bit more sustainable than our previous efforts.

At first I thought the new blog would take a while before it really gained some momentum. Somehow I failed to realize that my brothers in blogging got a massive head start. I guess I underestimated my rally cry. You can call me the Paul Revere of this blog game. Douggy can be Sam Adams due to this love for fine beer, Alex can be Ben Franklin because he's witty and inventive and Thad Almighty can be James Madison cuz he looks dope in a bowtie.

There's already been a Back to the Future 2 reference, an analysis of funny and un-funny commercials and posts about Bo Jackson and sex changes! So here I come rushing onto the scene with a sweaty forehead, huffing and puffing, muttering about how bad the traffic is and nervously apologizing for being the last one to show up.

I don't have a whole lot to offer in my initial post, other than the obligatory "hello," and this hilarious newscast on YouTube that I've been obsessing over for the past week. It's like a real life Chappelle show skit. "To me, it look like a leprechaun to me. All you gotta do is look right up 'der in da tree. Who all seen da leprechaun say YEAH!!"

You said you wanted a retarted commercial.....with a little spice.

2007-08-31T10:16:00.000-07:00

I dont think i've been moved by a McDonalds commercial since Michael Jordan squared off against Larry Bird in an epic battle over who would rightfully eat Jordan's "Le Big Mac." Only rule: no dunking.

That was nearly 15 years ago. So maybe its not that unfathomable that Micky D's latest 30 second pimping of their new Chipotle Snack Wraps may goes down as the worst Fast Food Commercial Of ALL TIME.

MAN. i remember the first time i saw that steamy McPile of McBullshit.
How does something like this get approved?? Does anyone out there with any TV advertising experiance or even anyone who has taken a CLASS on advertising have any insight on to what drives those big corporate ad-wizards???? this is UNTOWARD....it is not toward.

my own preposterous hypothesis:

Ad Exec #1: We need something to really showcase how delicious our new Chipotle SnackWrap. Something that really resonates with our demographics....First question: Who exactly is our demographic? Who will be eating our these new "wrapped-snacks?"

Ad Exec #2: Well gee whiz...uh, the latinos? young-kids-on-the-go with expendable cash?

Ad Exec #1: YES, oh GOD YES! Now, take it a step further. I want you to get inside the mind of the Snack-Wrap Eater. What do these young latino kids do when their just "hanging out."

Ad Exec #2: Well uh, I'd imagine they do normal everyday things like you or I

Ad Exec #1: Oh lord jesus YES!!! Words cannot properly express how F---ING GREAT I think this idea is. I want something on my desk in 12 minutes. Now get you're weeble-wobble ass the f--- outta here and make our biggest McClients happy!

I've seen this commercial 30 times now. And this is how i would summarize what is happening (for some reason i wrote it in the 2nd person):

You are very attractive female, and you and you're best friends decide to do a little casual furniture re-arranging. Naturally, you got hungry and specifically requested your friend get you "a wrap, with a little spice."

Your friend decides: "Nows my chance to pull a fast one on Lisa!! I can simply pretend to take her request LITERALLY, and find her a RAPPER of Spanish origin! He'll "WRAP" and at the end i'll freestyle a little bit by mimicking the sound of a turntable!!! Yeah!! She'll be so confused..... possibly a little purturbed, but what an opportunity!! If anything, she'll find my practical joke cheeky and cute, possibly opening up a small chance to be "more than friends."

There's no downside!!! Huzzah!!

Ok on a more positive note, here are some of my favorite commercials from the past summer.
I cant post any SONIC commericals due to copyright infringement. They are truly on to something. If only there was one within 500 miles....

Spidey Comcast Triple Play
Lipton Earl Grey Tea
Burger King - Tendercrisp (oldie but a goodie)

Bo Jackson

2007-08-31T09:17:00.000-07:00

Those who know me well are aware of my fascination/love/obsession/man crush involving Bo Jackson. Every year or so something is posted online reminding me of just how awesome he was. I just came across this video of a typical Bo Jackson run in the greatest sports video game of all-time, Tecmo Super Bowl. Not only was he the most dominate athlete ever, he was also the greatest video game athlete ever. Don't even try to tell me that Vick could do this is Madden. Whats crazy is that this is basically a simulation of his real life feats. Enjoy.

Free Digital Prints

2007-08-31T08:46:00.001-07:00

I like pictures and I like free. I'm guessing you do to. I stumbled upon this sweet link which will help both of our causes. Apparently pretty much every online printing site offers anywhere between 10 and 100 free prints to new members. The link has compiled these offers so that you can beat the system and take advantage of their foolish kindness and get 385 free prints!! You're quite welcome dear reader.

The Wachowski...brother and sister?

2007-08-31T06:44:00.000-07:00

I learned some interesting news about two of my favorite directors today. The Wachowski brothers, responsible for two of the coolest and most original films of our generation (The Matrix and V for Vendetta) are no longer brothers. How is this possible you ask? No, they didn't have a Hollywood-style falling out. Nor did they simply decide to part ways at the nexus of their careers. Instead, one of them decided to grow a vagina...literally.

In between filming of the Matrix trilogy and an upcoming project, Speed Racer, the director formally known as Larry has been on hormone treatments and has gone through numerous painful surgeries to become a woman. His/her transformation has recently been completed and Larry is now a full fledged woman. Woah. I'm not sure if this was widely known or not, but it certainly caught me off guard. Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen I present to you...Linda Wachowski.

PS. This is not a joke based on a girly looking picture. Here is an interesting Rolling Stone article on the matter.

Even More Male. Even More Perspective.

2007-08-29T17:49:00.000-07:00

"Here we go again. Same old S*** Dawg, Just a Different Day."
-Earl "DMX" Simmons

A different day indeed. And who could have thunk that it would take nearly 2 years for that day to arrive. Regardless, the perspective of honest males simply won't be denied.

Goodbyes are never easy. Laying THMP and TDHMP (scottys very funny mutant offspring) to rest was a tough decision.

But times have changed since '05. The world is a darker place. Your children are older. Everyday gas prices soar, men and women deny themselves carbohydrates on a daily basis and the ice caps keep fucking melting. These issues really dont have anything to do with our blog, in fact i'm betting I make at least 15 references to Back to the Future Part 2 before I mention anything of worldly significance and profundity gain.

Bottom line is. We merged two blogs. The proverbial ovum has met the proverbial sperm. Its results: a proverbial SUPERBLOG!
And we didn't think it was right to come up with any fancy or confusing titles like "The 'Real' Honest Male Perspective" or "The Honest Male Perspective 2: A Tale of Two Kitties."

This is the same shit your daddy grew up on, son.
You'll still get your "Wall of Man" and you'll get some lyrical armed robbery, lyrical tax fraud, who knows when its all said and done we may lyrically get to second base with you.
(and you might even find out some day what I think the Pound for Pound greatest PG-13 Movie.")

And hopefully this time around you'll get it in Snicker "Fun-Sized" bites dipped in the milk-chocolate of regularity.

A fresh start and a cool site.

2007-08-29T12:04:00.001-07:00

Its nice to be back to the Male Perspective after a looong hiatus. Whatever readers we once had are certainly gone, but we hope to bring you back with more mindless banter, awesome links and shorter posts. I was inspired to post because a sweet site was just brought to my attention which, because of obvious legal implications, might not be up much longer. The site is calle VideoHybrid. The basis of the site is simple. People use the power of the net to vote on videos they would like posted. Other people then respond by posting those videos and earning points or something for their efforts. What makes this site awesome is that the videos posted are first-run in-the-theater movies such as Superbad and The Borne Ultimatum. Are you bored on your lunch break? Check out the Simpsons movie in full YouTube style streaming video. Granted these are clearly bootlegged versions of the films, but beggars can't be chosers. Go check the site out before it is inevitably banned by the MPAA in a few days. And thanks for comin back to the perspective!

Link: VideoHybrid